my little talks: December 2014

Text reads: goodbye 2014
picture source by So-ghislain

2014 seems like forever ago. But now it’s the very last day of the year and I’m surprised to feel this kind of sadness in my heart. Despite all the turmoil that’s been going on in my life as well as around the world, I kind of liked it. I was happy. But that seems kind of incomparable to all the sadness, stress, worry, tiredness, procrastination, anger, and bad mistakes that I made this year. But like any human being, I learned from them, to a certain extent.

I learned to never date guys who aren’t feminists. I learned that it is definitely better to keep the mean stuff to yourself instead of saying it to another person (because that can cause a lot of trouble). I learned that putting on makeup is a very hard thing to do, except for lipstick. I learned that I like ballroom dancing and analyzing what I’m reading and the book Crime and Punishment. I learned that I still like writing romantic stuff. I learned that saying thank you can go a long way. I learned that I really like skiing. I also learned that selfies are quite fun. I also learned that it’s sometimes better to go with the flow, to avoid conflict. I also learned to like myself a bit more. And despite everything, I shouldn’t be too hard on myself because I’m growing up and still learning about everything around me. (Yet, that will probably not stop me from being too hard on myself). There are of course other things that I learned, but I’m not willing to indulge in those.

2014 has also been a year of wants. Wanting to change my look. Wanting to cuddle with someone. Wanting justice to be served. Wanting to stop being sad. Wanting to be empty. Wanting something, anything.

And in general 2014 has just been a bad year, a progressive year, a year full of new music, a year about learning more about myself, and a kind of good year.

And despite a few bad bumps along the way, this year was worth it. Though, I don’t think I did well on my New Year’s Resolutions for this year. But from looking at the list, I think I did pretty okay.

For three or four times a week, write for at least 15 minutes.
Save money.
Find a job.
Volunteer.
Turn in at least one scholarship application.
Study for the ACTs.
~~Read at least twenty-four books this year.~~
~~Work harder in school~~
~~Get my driver’s license.~~
Once a week, write a random sentence in French.
Write a blog post on my little talks, at least once per month.
For once a week, do something nice for someone else. Even if it is pretty small.
Take better care of myself.
Help out around the house more often.