6/18/18

Je veux lire plus souvent [I want to read more often]

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Reading slump (from what I can gather): Not reading as many books as often to not reading any books at all.
Reasons: It varies from person to person.
For me, it was simply because I keep on getting distracted from my personal life and school. Plus, there is the fact that the library isn’t that close (and the one that I’m forced to go to is all the way downtown). And I don’t want to make my older sister waste a ton of gas money, driving up and down a long canyon road every few weeks. And for some odd reason, I just cannot make myself check out another fictional book from the school library (mainly because it seems so small in my opinion). So, whenever I can (and if I’m in the mood for it), I try to buy my own books. Whether it be from WalMart to a used bookstore. So I don’t have to worry about having a limited amount of time to read them because then they’ll be right there on my desk just waiting to be read.
Another reason is that I’m starting to stray a bit from YA books (which is everywhere). They’re still pretty awesome, but something about them is just starting to make me go meh. It’s probably because I’ve read so many, and they helped me in some ways. But, after a while, it starts to get annoying reading about characters your own age doing awesome stuff, while you’re just there sighing because you wish that it was happening to you right now.
Plus, as I continually go through English class, I’m starting to wonder if many of these YA books actually have something profound to say. And some of them do, and I love them for that, but others just seem to be there just because it’s the newest trend. Also, it’s getting harder to read YA books when many of them just have to have some kind of romance involved. It doesn’t matter if it’s important to the main plotline at all; it just has to be there. And while that’s nice and all, but sometimes it’s nice to read something with no romance and just more friendship. Or enemies, or messing up and trying to learn from your mistakes, etc.
So, I started to read a teensy bit more classics, that is mainly for school. But there are others that I’m attempting to read for fun, like Emma by Jane Austen, The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger, Lord of the Flies by William Golding, The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. And I actually want to try to understand them. Try to get the basic meaning of it all. And no, I’m not just doing this so I can get good scores on the AP English tests next year (however, I might not take them).
I want to expand my mind. Get into the viewpoint of someone who isn’t always a teenager. Read books that are banned. All the while, trying to catch up on a few book series that I honestly enjoy, like the rest of the books of the Harry Potter series (so far I’ve read the first book, and I really liked that one, even though it bored little nine/ten/grade school me, causing me to stop reading after a few pages). As well as books 4-8 in the Artemis Fowl series. And the last book of the Divergent series, Allegiant, and the third book from the Shadow and Bone series, as well as the third book in the Raven Boys series, and the third book in The Daughter of Smoke and Bone series. But the problem is the third books for the Shadow and Bone series, the Raven Boys series, and The Daughter of Smoke and Bone series doesn’t come out until later this year. There are still some books that I want to read, like Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell and [insert more books here]. Yet, I cannot find myself reading them all, simply because my passion for reading seems to have gone down. Just waiting for that one book to ignite it all again.
As well as the time (which I can easily manage). And, as I look through the list on how to get out of a reading slump, thankfully provided by Lauren, I can’t much relax about the fact that I’m not as actively reading this year than any of the other years. And, I’m procrastinating on reading popular books for some weird reason. For some reason, I don’t really like reading fan-fiction or at least long works of fanfiction. It’s not that they’re bad, they’re not really my cup of tea. Though the only exception to that seems to be some Cookies and Crime fanfiction written by cookiekhaleesi, and it’s because it has cookies, the twenties, and a storyline that I can indulge in as I patiently wait for the webcomic to come out. I cannot find myself reading my favorite works, mainly because I don’t own them or at least the ones that I want to reread again. Though there is one exception… (The Night Circus anyone?) I’ve actually been reading You Can’t Keep a Good Woman Down by Alice Walker, something that I wouldn’t normally find myself reading. And I cannot seem to just listen to audiobooks without actually have the actual book in front of me. For some reason, I just have to read the book at the same time, if I’m listening to audiobooks. And I’m not really sure why, it probably came from my elementary school days. I’ve actually been reading shorter books, but they still take me a long while to get through (mainly because I read them at school). A reading buddy, hmm…. I keep on trying to set goals but I cannot seem to keep them, for some reason. For example, if I just barely started reading a book, I always try to get to page fifty (if it’s a non-school book), but lately I can’t seem to make myself go to even that. I’ve kind of took a break for the last half year, and that is truly saddening to me because I actually like reading.
Reading is enjoyable. And it’s helped me avoid the boredom more than once. It helped expand my mind. It definitely helped me improve my writing skills. I like reading about worlds that aren’t like our own. Or looking into the facets of our world that I normally wouldn’t look at. I don’t really waste electricity when reading a book, like when I do when watching television (though TV shows are pretty nice as well). It’s interesting to connect with characters and actually feel for them in some ways, whether it was some kind of annoyance or sadness or even happiness. Plus, I like supporting an art form that authors have created, and worked so hard on.
But, I don’t know. As you can tell, I’ve been in a reading slump. And as you can already tell, I’ve been distracted because of school, home life, a certain guy, the internet, my thoughts, and various other things. But, I still do want to read. Because, I still like it. However, it seems like I have broken my motivation to read on my own that isn’t for school or at school. And I’m trying to piece it back together. Only it’s going at a slow pace for me, which is actually quite annoying. But, I’ll try anyway. It’s not a guarantee that I will get back to regularly reading. But at least it means that I’m not going to quit reading forever.
And that, my dear readers, is a good thing.
And now the weather:
- Stacy N.
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6/16/18

I hope... A letter to you [another oldie]

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Dear person who is currently reading this,
I hope you had a pretty okay New Years, whether that day was spent lazing around thinking about the present, future, or the past; watching movies; doing homework; or something else that is just as fun. I also hope that you have a year that is memorable in a way, or at least okay. I also hope that you find yourself in a way, whether that may be blogging, writing, painting, vlogging, etc. And, also just know that you are loved and that you are truly beautiful. And please don’t think I’m lying, I’m serious when I wrote that for you to see. I really do think that you are a beautiful person and please don’t hurt yourself.
I also hope that you make reasonable New Year’s resolutions that you can actually accomplish this year. However, since it is you controlling your own life, you don’t have to have to make reasonable resolutions, or you don’t have to have any resolutions at all.


And now the weather: there's a lot of old songs on here, hold on
Swedish House Mafia - Save The World

Note: I know it's not New Year's anymore, but that doesn't mean that you cannot restart again at this time of year.

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6/14/18

My old thoughts on Doctor Who before I stopped watching season 8

Photo by Aleks Dahlberg
My honest thoughts on Doctor Who lately. Sorry, not sorry that it's a giant mess
And just know that these are my opinions. So I’m sorry for not being sorry that you might not like some of my ideas.
Note, this does not mean that I will not continue watching the show nor am I bashing it. In fact, I’ll continue watching it, in hopes that it will become better again.
Also, there are spoilers up ahead. So proceed with caution.

The 50th Anniversary only made me confused in the end.
The Christmas Special was kind of disappointing.
The Doctor was boring, simply waiting around, aging. Well technically he wasn’t waiting around; he was helping save Trenzalore from the multiple alien attacks that came because he was there. However, I kind of wanted to see more shots of him coming up with brilliant battle strategies, him fighting, or even more shots of him having fun among the natives there. The shots with Clara wasn’t really all that important either. Minus the shot where she asked the Gallifreyians to give the Doctor more regenerations. Well more on Clara later.
The only part when I felt truly sad was when he gave up on his bowtie. And since the bowtie basically much symbolized him. It was sad to know that he gave it up because it truly meant that he was going to die, and be gone, and ‘never’ come back (he’ll hopefully show up in the 75th or 100th anniversary special, right?).
However, that sadness didn’t last very long, because it was replaced by a quick surprise at how fast he regenerated. And then that surprise turned into confusion because the first words that came out of the 12th Doctor’s mouth were, “kidneys!” Before going on to saying how he didn’t like the color of his kidney. First of all, how did he know what color his kidneys were? Second, why did he care about the color of his kidneys (not unless he’s ill, then that would be bad). Third, will he ever say, “Damn it, I’m still not ginger?”
I was also appalled at the fact that he forgot how to fly the TARDIS. Granted, he was on Trenzalore for a few centuries, never going anywhere else. Plus, he just regenerated and he usually develops some sort of amnesia right after he regenerated. So, I don’t blame him for not remembering how to fly the TARDIS. But I’ll still continue to stay appalled if he doesn’t remember it soon.
I’m also very happy and excited that Peter Calpadi is now playing the 12th Doctor. Because there will hopefully be no romantic interest. And maybe, just maybe he’ll make Doctor Who even better than before, (well ever since Stevan Moffat took over as showrunner) because he is a lifelong fan. And, I miss what New Who used to be.

The seventh season was a flop.
Clara was like any of the other female companions that Steven Moffat created. Sexy, sarcastic, smart, not caring much for her family. Yet, she was boring. She isn’t defiant. She doesn’t stand up to the Doctor when it comes to what’s wrong. She’s also surprisingly obedient. And really, all she wants is to be the Doctor’s love interest (which is understandable), but that’s too typical. She cries that the Doctor broke his promise in the Christmas episode (2013), about never leaving her (twice!) And she doesn’t bother doing anything about it, not until that one lady showed up and brought her to the Doctor all just to be emotional support. Which wasn’t really needed, because when the Doctor was dying he was remembering Amy and not her.
In other words, she could have had plenty of chances to actually grow. But because Steven Moffat is his sexist self, he wouldn’t allow it. Hence the reason why Clara isn’t my favorite female companion.
I was, of course, sad when Amy and Rory died. But I couldn’t really cry over them, knowing that they were still alive in some other time period. 

I want someone to replace Steven Moffat as showrunner, like R.T Davies, Niel Gaiman, Peter Calpadi, anyone that actually cares about Doctor Who and is actually determined to bring some equality among Doctor Who.
I want a showrunner, who doesn’t make the female companions just sexy playthings for the Doctor. And if the Doctor did treat them as such, then I want that female companion to stand up for herself and actually call out what the Doctor did. And tell him that she will not, in any circumstances of time or space, tolerate that from him.
I want a showrunner who’s willing to portray the female companion as someone more than just simply wanting the Doctor romantically. I want a companion whose whole life doesn’t revolve around the Doctor or whose sole purpose is to save the Doctor. I want that female companion to also care for her family. To actually acknowledge their existence. I also want them to be best friends with the Doctor. I also want them to make the Doctor see that he’s fucking scary sometimes and that he should tone it down a bit or else he’ll not only kill his enemies but himself and everyone else around him. In other words, I want another companion who’s a bit like Rose, Martha, and Donna.
I want a showrunner, writing out episodes that actually make sense and isn’t so full of plot holes.
I want that showrunner to actually put something more back into Doctor Who. To make it so emotional and heartbreaking that you cannot help but cry. I want there to be some monumental lesson on morality, back on Doctor Who. Only that it’s so subtly hinted at, that you don’t notice it till later. When you’re thinking to yourself in bed, as you replay that episode over again in your mind.
I want the showrunner to make Doctor Who kind of cheesy again, like R.T Davies seasons cheesy. Because that was cute, and it was dorky, and it was funny, and what made Doctor Who, Doctor Who.

I want Captain Jack, Rose, Donna, Martha, Mickey, Strax, River Song, Vastra, Jenny, and all the other companions that have been on Doctor Who and who are still alive (as in the actor is still alive), to come back again.
I just want one episode where it’s basically much the Doctor’s companion reunion. And they have a party on the Tardis, and they tell each other stories of their adventures with the Doctor and what happened since moving on. I want some of them to get drunk, and stuff to happen. And then they somehow get some obscure famous person that impacted the world in some way, to join them. And then they end up saving the dying planet of Sancillia from some unknown source that turned out to be the native people’s other selves.

I miss R.T Davies.
I miss how the shows used to be cheesy. There were minimal plot holes. There was Captain Jack. They used to involve the companion’s family. The aliens were new or bought back from the Classics, not used over and over again. The companions were normal people when they met the Doctor. It was more heartbreaking. Tears actually came to my eyes. People actually died instead of going back in time, so that the version that was them in this time period is dead. The companions actually gathered around. It was cheesy in a good way. And it was just so, so intriguing.

And now the weather: so many old songs
Hai Co Tien by 365Daband

- Stacy Nguyen


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6/12/18

Letters part 10 [still year 2 of college thoughts]

Picture by Takmeomeo
Note: I had to rewrite letter 8 three times before settling into something that I liked and not so embarrassing.

Dear person I still kind of like,
I could say screw you for ruining my plans for staying single forever, but I’m not because that plan could still be on the table. Instead, I want to say this. Even though it may not look like it, I am writing this around 12:40 AM, the time when my tired brain isn’t in the mood to put up its usual defenses when it comes to thinking about you. But, it never put up any defenses against you in the first place, except for the few times when I need to focus like when I’m at work or doing schoolwork.

Around this time, I start listening to cheesy love songs, preferably by Asian American youtubers (representation matters y’all, plus, I find it comforting). And then come the questions. The uneasy ones, the ones that I always find myself asking. Do I like you for you or is it because you remind me of an ex? Do I like you for you or is it because I’m subconsciously into this certain type? Do I just miss the concept of being in a relationship? Do I miss being held? Etc.

After that are the what if’s. What if you turn out to not be who I assumed you were and vice versa? What if you don’t actually support my tattoo? What if I only like you for your hair? What if you’re not an intersectional feminist (or an intersectional feminist ally?) What if we actually do end up dating and it sucks yet we still stick it out even though it hurts us both?

Finally, that certain what if comes up, the one that ends up like this: what if we do end up dating and we’re actually happy together? That then leads to cute, fluffy images of us being together. And then that leads to somewhere else that doesn't involve sex because I'm still an asexual. And I'm pretty damn sure that I'm always going to be asexual. All the meanwhile, there’s this weird warm, twisty feeling in my stomach and I’m not quite sure if my heart is beating a bit faster. But, I still can't help but get scared because I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship again.

And then, I get too tired and stop and then get ready for bed. My logical side telling me that it will never happen because I’m already busy enough. And that Asian parents were right, don’t date while you’re in school because they’ll only distract you from your studies. All the while, another side is telling me to just ask you out for lunch already and be a responsible adult. However, a part of me knows that I’m not brave enough to do that just yet, maybe, never.

And now the weather:
I'm Yours by Alessia Cara

Some nerve you have / To break up my lonely / ... / I wasn't trying to fall in love but, boy, you pushed me

~ Stacy N.
P.S. Funny how irrelevant a few of my posts seem compared to now. 
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6/10/18

Letters part 9 [what went on my head during year 2 of college]

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Dear me,
Speak up more often. Ask questions and answer the teacher's questions during class. Talk to that cute person, ask why they chose a __________ major, why do they identify with their mother's culture more than their father's, and what do they miss about their home country? Start texting people more often. Start telling your parents about what you're really interested in (even though it should be a bit obvious by all the books lying around). Speak out against various social justice issues.
Just use your voice, please.
Even if it's one word, one sentence, or a paragraph. It's better than all of that silence and missed opportunities.

And now the weather:
Katie Queen Of Tennessee by The Apache Relay
~ Stacy N.
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