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Showing posts with label my writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my writing. Show all posts

12/27/19

Them.

Taken by me from when I went to my first lantern festival

There was a past that took a while to get over.
There was a future that was mostly what-ifs.
Now there is a present that I hope to not get over nor let it end in a what-if.

And now the weather:
Love You Like That by Dagny
~ Stacy N.
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12/11/19

A memory

Photo by  Jason Schuller
We let our feet dangle lazily into the water. I was writing down some thoughts that was going to become a blog post, while they were reading out loud from a book about life and wisdom and age. The sound of swimmers in the near distance while people were fishing on the other side of the lake, and of course there was a dog or two nearby. It was dusk and it was summer and the weather was finally nice for once in a place that was known for its rain.

And now the weather:
Beethoven's 5 Secrets - OneRepublic by The Piano Guys
~ Stacy N.
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7/18/18

Colour

Photo by Anggoro Sakti
Her brightness first started in her heart before spreading up to her fingers and then out into the world, touching everyone who needed a bit of color in their life.

And now the weather:
Colour by MNEK
~ Stacy N.
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7/6/18

Heading back into it... kind of

Photo by Alex Robert
source
I didn't realize how many things changed til I came back to it. For example, whenever I read YA literature, I can't help but see the teenagers as kids because that's exactly what they are. Kids who suffer and must overcome their suffering in some way or learn to deal with it like any other character in literature. After all, that's what makes stories, stories.
As mentioned before in a previous post, I'm starting to get back into my old hobbies, writing creatively being one of them. However, throughout the years, the only way I could write creatively is either through being really inspired, it depends on my grade, or if there's a challenge. Since it's summer that challenge happens to be Camp Nanowrimo. It's like the regular National Novel Writing Month challenge in November. However, I didn't realize until this year that you can set your own word count goal or that it was in July. The last time I've done the summer challenge was back when I was in high school, so approximately fours ago.
So in the middle of the night, I've decided to get back into it. I don't have much of a plan, which makes it all the more fun. All I know so far is that it's going to be a bunch of short stories based on a bunch of writing prompts that I've collected throughout the years on tumblr and that it's going to be in this fantasy world that I've created way back when I was a weird/random jr. high schooler. And just saying that makes me feel old.
However, it will be a good way to start writing again. Hopefully, this will help me build more dedication and a motivation to start writing again on my own once the month is over, without any challenges or grades looming over my shoulder.

And now the weather:
Get Your Life by Caught a Ghost
~ Stacy N.
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7/4/18

forgetting

Photo by Studio 7042
i forgot the meaning of me.
i forgot what my joys, my hates, my loves, my mind are anymore.
i forgot to follow up.
i forgot the purpose.
i forgot to enjoy the challenges of growing up.
i forgot to reap the rewards of adulthood.
instead, i retreat to the familiar corner of my mind and relax, dreading the eventual end that will come if i-

And now the weather:
Here by Alessia Cara

~ Stacy N.
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11/20/17

A reading memoir

Photo by Jay Mantri
Reading never really interested me until the summer after sixth grade. But the funny thing is, throughout elementary school, I was always involved in reading, somehow, some way. In first grade, I was part of the AR (Advanced Reading) club that mainly tested my reading comprehension. I would read a variety of books and then take a test about the book. And the only reason why I was in it was because my first-grade teacher, Ms. Howard, oversaw the whole program and, I guess she saw potential in me and asked me to be a part of it. I agreed because it gave me something to do after school. But that was really one of the only times when I actually read. When I got home from school, I would usually watch TV or play.
My older sister also used to take my siblings and me to the library a lot and read to us there, even checking out some books to read to us at home. That was fun, and it piqued up my interest, but I mainly just went because I wanted to check out some of the movies and grab a free cookie on the way home or some ice cream from Arctic Circle if my sister was nice enough to buy some that day.
It wasn’t until the third or fourth grade when I got slightly more interested in reading. My teacher, Ms. Meenen, was reading a fantasy book to the class about dragons. I wanted to read along and better envision the story. So, the next day when the class went to the library, I got the book and read along with her. It was very interesting, and I genuinely enjoyed the story, but that still didn’t really inspire me to want to read on my own.
It wasn’t until sixth grade when my teacher, Ms. Hansen made everyone do reading bingo that I started to read more on my own. Basic gist, as part of our Language Arts grade, we had to independently read five books from different genres and then write a little paper on the book. I learned a lot about FDR, read Marley and Me and cried of course, and in general actually start going to the county library by myself. However, what made me really enjoy reading was the book Dragon Rider by Cornelia Funke. It was unlike anything I’ve ever read before, dragons, a journey, and adventure. That made me want to read more books like it and other books in general. And I did, and I haven’t stopped since.
In conclusion, dragons helped me gain a love of reading.

And now the weather:
Rich Love by OneRepublic
~ Stacy N.
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7/15/17

Part three.

Photo by Justin Schüler
He laid on his bed wishing for an us. But there never was an us, just a what if.

And now the weather:
~ Stacy N.
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7/8/17

Part two.

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo
Finn had never been the best at being patient. If he did, he would have waited forever for Diggs. But when he saw that Diggs wasn't arriving anytime soon, he hopped onto the train before it could close on him.
His goodbye best reserved for other people.

And now the weather:
Fools by Troye Sivan
~ Stacy N.
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7/7/17

What happened to forever?

Photo by Jimmy Bay
She whispered in my ear stories that were never meant to be told, truths that were never meant to be believed, and promises that were meant to be broken. She held me like the world was going to be okay but it wasn't. She kissed me like we were going to be a forever, but forever was a temporary thing. Sooner or later everything and anything was going to die.

And now the weather:
Sorry by Halsey
~ Stacy N.
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7/6/17

The monstrous thing

Photo by Can Anh Khai
“Oh dear,” the doctor said, “oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.” They were looking at the x-ray, pacing back in forth in that small, neutral-colored room. Their hysteria was rising higher and higher with each step.
“What,” I asked, still laying down on that little patient’s table.  Instead of replying the doctor just said oh dear some more, causing my blood pressure to rise till it felt like I was close to exploding.
“Really doc, what’s wrong?”
“This,” was all the doctor said, looking at the x-ray in her hands, her pacing and oh dears increasing tenfold.
“What the doctor meant to say is,” I almost jumped up, I forgot that there was a nurse in the corner of the room. Ever still, ever silent, ever frowning. “That you’re slated for surgery soon.”
“Surgery?” Surely, whatever the x-ray showed couldn’t be that bad, could it?
“Yes, surgery.”
“But why?”
He only looked at me like I was stupid, but I’m not stupid, “to remove that love bug. It’s gotten longer since your last visit.” Oh, that. I forgot that was there.
“Okay,” I replied. His frown only deepened.
“Are you not worried that you could die from this Mr. Porter if  left untreated?”
“But, wouldn’t it be better to die in the name of love?” He only frowned, while the doctor continued to say oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

To prepare myself for my operation next week, I found myself watching videos of love bug removal surgeries. It was horrible, seeing them slowly take out the long, icky, yellow love monster. White teeth up and down its eel-like body, continually biting onto something to hold. I bet it smelled like nuclear waste and tasted like oil in salt water.
The aftermath left unprecedented results, different for each person. Whether it was multiple holes in the heart, one single hole, stab wounds in its lungs, or even no mark at all. That was when the bug was caught early on before it could do any actual damage. The longer the bug resides in you, the deadlier the damage.

I was glad when they told me that my surgery was next Saturday, but sad too. The monstrous thing made me feel oh so light and genuinely happy. Especially when I got to see him. Crazy haired, wild-eyed, looking like any famous K-Pop star. It was bad, it shouldn’t have happened, but it did, for months on end.
Months spent time growing the monster so it could kill me. Months full of wistful sighs and heart eyes. Months full of denial and rejection. Months spent wishing for something that could never have been mine.

And now the weather:
All I Want Is You by Tristan Prettyman
~ Stacy N.
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7/1/17

Part one.

Photo by Griffin Keller
His heart has never been the clearest when it came to figuring out what he wanted.
Especially when it concerned Finn.

And now the weather:
~ Stacy N.
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6/24/17

To cut or not to cut (not a self harm post)

Picture by Kristina Paukshtite
Flowers bloom during the weirdest of times; when you’re driving to work, working out at the gym, or just trying to sleep away the day’s mishaps. There it is, growing inside your head becoming little giants. Soon, it’s all you can think about.
And you could either continue watering it or cut it down and focus on something else.

And now the weather:
~ Stacy N.
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6/23/17

Her

Picture by Josh Willink
Kissing her felt like dying stars and the knowledge that you were going to live forever. Summer storms during a drought. A fragile hope that you wish wouldn’t break. It was great, and it was terrible.

And now the weather:
~ Stacy N.
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6/22/17

Who is she?


Beautiful People is a writing blog meme hosted by Sky @ Further Up and Further and Cait @ Paper Fury. Every month they ask ten questions that are designed to help us get to know our characters a lot better. Sometimes it's themed, sometimes it's not like it is this month. So, without further ado let's get started.

Beautiful person of the day: Beth Angelina Dovens
Background story: She's a character I've created back in Jr. high school, and who's changed a lot throughout the years. A few of the things that remained the same though is that she's originally from the planet, Bionova, she's half fairy and half shape-shifter, and she has unusual powers. In the latest draft of the book, she has two moms, one who researches Earth and the other is a Bionovian politician. So for half the year, Beth and her moms live on Earth so her researcher-mom could do her work, and the other half of the year they live on Bionova so her politician-mom could do her job, which for the moment, is running for governor for this well-known city.

What’s their favorite place they’ve ever visited?
Earth: New York City
Bionova: the famous botanical gardens.

What’s one mistake they made that they learned from?
Not taking the time to understand things from her politician-mother's point of view. That lack of understanding creates some drama between them, but it's needed for my book to happen.

What was their favorite subject in school? Or favorite thing to learn about?
Beth is obsessed with anything flowers. Flowers help her cope with change, though it is hard to smuggle them onto Earth.

What’s their favorite flower/growing thing?
That's like asking a writer what their favorite book is, there's too many.

Have they ever made someone cry? What happened?
Beth ends up running away, which of course makes her politician-mother cry from all the worry and stress.

Would you consider them a reliable or unreliable narrator?
So far, she's been a pretty reliable narrator.

What do they dream about at night?
Ever since her researcher-mom died, Beth has been dreaming about happy (or in her own words, "taunting") childhood memories.

They’ve gone out for a “special meal.” What would they eat?
Rose soup at this local diner that's near her house on Bionova.

Do they have any distinguishing or unique talents?
On Bionova, there are different species. Each species has a specific power that pertains to them, for example, mermaids have water powers, phoenixes have fire powers, fairies teleport, shape-shifters shift into different humanoids, weres change into different animals, etc. So it's weird if you have no power, it's also weird if your power doesn't fit the power that most of your species has, and it could land you in a lot of trouble. For Beth, in particular, her power consists of changing objects into different objects, for example, she could turn a rock into a hairbrush. Which is pretty dangerous for her, if anyone else outside of her family knew.

What’s at least one thing they want to do before they die?
Become a famous botanist on both Earth and Bionova and to tell her best friend, "hey, I think I like more than as a friend." Let's see which one comes first.

And now the weather:
Once Upon A December (Piano Version)
~ Stacy N.
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6/10/17

You

source
You came into a classroom full of murmuring students, a teacher who flitted around the room introducing herself to everyone, while the TA messed around with the projector system trying to show whatever it was they were showing. You, like my yawn, came out of nowhere in the middle of the day on the first day of class. You, this is going to sound cheesy, you walked in and my heart went “Boom!”  Technically it felt more like a lightning storm zapped us both at the same time. The point was, there was an instant connection between us.
And that must have scared us both for we didn’t talk to each other for weeks on end. You always sat in front of me and I would always flash a small smile and offer a hello whenever you came. Our attentions turned towards others in the classroom. The girl with an infectious smile who spoke only in riddles, the lady who saved people for a living, the Southern gentleman turned social justice advocate.
Weeks passed, heavy subject hit after heavy subject hit us each time we had class together, whether it was abuse, death, or politics. Funny enough, it was that last taboo topic that brought us together. When the president-elect made a fool of himself, we laughed over that old-school newspaper picture, talking about how he’s a walking joke. That led to other topics, which led to fears, which led to nothing.
The final came and ended, the words that I wanted to say became too late. And now, like everything else in my life you’re simply gone.

And now the weather:
In My Dreams by Ruth B. again.


~ Stacy N.
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6/9/17

If it wasn't going to happen now, it was going to happen later

Content warning: death, abuse

Photo by vlanka
It all started with a kiss that led to a stab or two or three, and now it turned into a funeral. A funeral that probably shouldn’t have happened but it was going to happen at some point. If not now then later.
And honestly, I can’t feel an ounce of regret or remorse or pity or even sadness at this interesting turn of events. Nor do I feel happy or glad or relieved that I’ve finished my job. But just empty about it all. If it was not going to happen now, it was going to happen later. A later that probably shouldn’t have happened so soon.
“He was a responsible young man,” his mother droned on, “always doing his work, always helping out whenever it was needed, always doing something kind for someone…” I suppressed a yawn knowing how inappropriate that would be at a black-tie event.
“It’s simply a pity that he had to go so soon,” she said, her voice cracking at the right moment. I tapped my fingers against my thigh, black upon black. Bullshit upon bullshit.
“And, oh God, I’m so sorry for letting this happen to you. I should have done better as a mother.” I tried hard not to laugh at her dramatics.
“There, there, Ms. Nguyen,” the pastor said, patting her back in a comforting way. “Would you like to-”
Ms. Nguyen shook her head, before making her way down the little stage to her proper place up front, tears already gathered in her lying, brown eyes.
“Okay, would anyone else like to talk about Jason?” he boomed to the little audience. I knew that I should go up there and talk about him. After all, it was my responsibility to do that for him considering that I was his so-called girlfriend and all that. But something in my body froze. Sweat started to gather around my pits, and I started shaking like a little leaf ready to fall. I tried to slow my breathing, but it was hard when the edges of that certain memory began to creep into my head. The one that caused me to hate stages forever.
Breathe Cindy, I told myself, just fucking breathe. 
“Okay, if no one would like to say anything else then I shall conclude the ending prayers…” everyone bowed their heads and closed their eyes listening to the monotonous, useless prayer. Everyone except me. I still bowed my head like everyone else, but I kept my eyes open because if I closed them for just one second that panic attack will surely come.
“… pray over his soul that is receiving the blessing of God right at this moment….”
For a moment, I let myself miss him. From the way his infectious laughter sounded to his tousled black hair. From his intelligent brown eyes to his kindness to others that weren't me. From his pink mouth that could say many hurtful things that last a lifetime to his hands that were as soft as an angel’s wing but was actually devil like in nature. That lasted only for a moment though before the panic wrapped around me again.
“Amen.”
I rushed out of that suffocating tomb-like space wanting nothing but air and a way to stop those terrible memories from coming around. But it was too late, for just as soon I stepped outside, I broke down and sobbed. Love and regret and relief and pure hatred went in and out in and out of me mixing together in a melodious way.
For I was free, finally free from that fucking terrible monster.

And now the weather:

An angel's smile is what you sell / You promise me heaven, then put me through Hell / ... / Shot through the heart / And you're to blame / You give love a bad name
~ Stacy N.
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6/4/17

A Bionovian Fairy tale retelling

Photo by Andrew Collins
Once upon a time, there was a young mother reading to her daughter in a wooden house on the outer edges of the biggest city in the world, Mỹ Tuy.
“Once upon a time, there was-,” the young mother began before her ever-skeptical daughter interrupted her.
“Má why does it start that way?” It was hard to not love her for it. For her eyes were always brown and bright the wires in her head constantly connecting every little piece that Bionova can offer.
“Because that’s the way the author wrote it,” má said with a small smile, still not quite used to her daughter’s ever-questioning mind.
“Who’s the author?”
“Some Earthen person named the Grimm Brothers.”
“Who names their kid the Grimm Brothers?”
“I don’t know con, I don’t know.”
“Why don’t you don’t know?”
“Because I’m not some wizard con. Now can we get back to the story?” She asked staring down into little Mai’s eyes. The dim light made má’s eyes darker than normal, a hidden evil lurked beneath the surface. Little Mai shut up knowing better than to push her má when she gets like that. The red bruise on her skinny, brown wrist a good reminder of this.
“Okay, good,” má said clearing her throat. She relaxed her hands not realizing that she had been gripping the book’s hardcover the whole time. “Once upon a time, there was this king and his husband who tried for many, many years.”
“How many is many?” Little Mai said unable to help herself.
“I don’t know, now please don’t interrupt,” má said glancing down at Little Mai. “Now, where was I? Oh yeah. Okay, for many, many years trying to conceive a child till one day it worked and King Phillip was pregnant.”
“What did they do má? Did they go to some weird dragon voodoo or…?”
“It was a joyous day,” má said ignoring what her daughter just said. “That they decided to invite everyone they knew to a giant party to celebrate when the little princess was born. That is except for the Seelie queen because the kings still didn’t appreciate the fact that she didn’t invite them to her wedding. So, as everyone was celebrating and giving the little princess a variety of presents like Brownie-made toys, elfin shoes, dragon fire...” she continued to list many more Bionovaian treats but stopped when Little Mai cleared her own throat, her foot tapping against her silver wooden bed.
“Oh right, sorry. Where was I again? Okay, so during the celebration the queen came by angry as usual but this time there was a…”
~.~.~.~
Everyone is dead.
And from the looks of it, they’ve been dead for a while. As everyone rested in their graves, I’ve been asleep for who knows how long, dreaming morbid dreams, and waiting for some other royal charming to non-consensually kiss me awake. However, there is no royal charming; Bionova has turned into what má would call an Earthen Eden paradise minus the Adam and Eve; and the demon of this story is the Seelie queen, who does not care for my existence ninety-nine percent of the time. And I could care less for her either.
Picking up my tattered fairy tale book, I settle beside the rocks near the waterfall. For a moment, I thought I heard mermaid giggles and saw scaly feet going deeper into the water, but it was just my imagination.
~.~.~.~
“A what má?” Little Mai asked snuggling into her má’s arms.
“A hint of evil,” má said lightly touching her daughter’s nose. Little Mai rolled my eyes thinking, of course, it would involve evil, like all great stories should.  
“When the queen stalked up to the little girl she smiled, just like this,” má would then twist her thin brown lips into the scariest grimace she could manage, “and then tapped the girl on the head, once, twice,” má said tapping Little Mai’s head. “While everyone watched horrified wondering about all the possibilities that could have happened. For you see-”
“I know má, the queen is the most powerful being in the world, blah, blah, blah. She could zap us both in the eyes if she really wanted to.”
“Right,” she smiled, “And after she did that, she then turned around and left without saying anything, that creepy little smile still on her face.”
~.~.~.~
As I got to the part where the royal charming was killing the evil dragon queen, I hear a, “hello,” right behind me. I jump, still not used to her silent presence.
“Hi,” I say, straining my neck to see her clearly. It still amazes me how casually she dresses and yet how fitting she is to all the scary descriptions that I’ve heard about her. Her subtle anger, her silence, her monotone expression. Even the silver trees behind her can’t help but bow with fear.
“How are you?” she asks not bothering to come any closer to me. I blink still not quite believing that she’s right there.
She raises her eyebrows, still waiting for my answer. I gulp before stumbling over my next words. “I-I’m fine. How are you? Umm, why are you talking to me after-?”
“After not talking to you all this time?” I nod, curious about her answer. For some reason, I could feel my insides boil which is not good.
A hint of a smile appears on her lips, “Even a queen gets bored.”
I scoff, “but you have everything you could ever want in the world. A nice castle, servants, an unlimited amount of money, every piece of technology, books.” At that last statement, I raise my fairy tale book into the air.
“Yes, yes,” she says waving her hand flippantly into the air. “But those only meet my material wants not my intellectual or social needs that another being can offer.”
“So, that is where I come in.”
“Exactly, and so far, you’re a disappointment.”
I roll my eyes, “I’m sorry that I’m not an aristocrat, your majesty.
She sighs and moves a bit closer, I blink again, realizing that she’s on a small cloud a few inches above the dry ground. “Don’t bother with titles, peasant. As far as I’m concerned, we are the only two people left on this planet.” Psh, calling me a peasant, what kind of elitist term is that? I think to myself, not noticing the soft dents on the book’s pages.
“Fine, your majesty, but on one condition.” She raises one of her sharp eyebrows. “I’ll only do it if you’re not a hypocrite yourself.”
“Then what would you like to be called, peasant?” Gah, that term is starting to grate on my nerves.
“Mai, just call me Mai.”
“Fine, Mai,” she says as if my name tasted like dirt. “Please call me Tiên.”
I blink a couple of times, not sure if the queen just gave me her real name or not. But the water isn’t exploding in anger, the trees aren’t crouching in fear, and the air under the golden dust mite sky doesn’t seem stifling like what legends say would happen if the queen revealed her real name. So, I’m good for the moment. I get to live another day on this empty planet. 

And now the weather:
Young God by Halsey
~ Stacy N.
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1/28/17

Four choices

Photo by Anis Abdul
You wake up and find yourself among the stars. There is no ground underneath you just an endless void. And the heat of the stars’ travel across your skin in their far away spot. The only sound you can hear is your fast, shaky breathing and your lack of a heartbeat.

You are dead.

Getting up, not sure how this is even possible as there is no official ground, you glance around and notice four tunnels of light.

The one in front of you screams Earth. Choosing this option means that you are reincarnated into a human baby found in the past, present, or future. But do you feel the need to begin again?

The one to your right sings Heaven. Choosing this option means that you get anything that you want without paying a price. But do you feel that you have been good enough for this route?

The one behind you hums with Emptiness. Choosing this option means that you turn back into the stars and wander around the universe in an endless manner. But do you feel the need to give up?

The one to your right whispers Hell. Choosing this option means that you live in torture for the rest of eternity. But do you feel that you have been bad enough for this route?

You pause not sure which path to take. And you know that you don’t have long to make a choice before it comes. So, taking a deep breath you take a step in whatever direction you chose and another, and another knowing that it is the right one for you.

Do you regret the decision immediately when you step up to the light?

Too late, some unknown force pushes you in, and you find yourself falling towards a fate that you are not prepared for.

Note: This is a story idea that's been on my mind for about four years but I couldn't find a way to say it till now.

And now the weather:
~ Stacy N.
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11/12/16

What is this place?

source
It started at dawn. That was when the angel or demon figure came down or up and started screaming or singing. That was when I knew that I wasn’t a believer. That was also when I died. 
By now I should be giving you my whole life story. When I was born, what my childhood was like, what led up to me seeing that angel or demon or whatever but that is going to take too long. So I’m going to hold up on the exposition, possibly infinitely and just go straight to what happened after I died.  
It was strangely neither dark or light but just an infinite greyness. There were no clouds but strange shapes consisting of sharp edges. And everything was moving. Me and it. It being I don’t even know. There was both nothing to do and everything to do. Everything that you could think of happened but it always came with some terrible consequence. Unlimited candy, ultimate diarrhea. Any book to read, including the ones not thought of, a depression that lasts for what seems like a lifetime when you’re finished with the book. A feeling that you’re always loved an intense self-hate.  
It was wonderful and terrible.  
A kid’s best dream, an adult’s worst nightmare.  
A heaven and a hell.  
By now, I should tell you how much I regret dying and wishing about being back on earth. But I can’t. It’s hard to feel your own emotions in this place. The ones that are not fabricated and controlled by it. It’s also becoming harder to be me. Whoever me is.  
Was there ever a me? Or was I always controlled by it? Was I always it? 
Who knows.  
Who cares.  
Certainly I don’t in this stupid, grey space. 

And now the weather:
~ Stacy N.
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10/27/16

A fictionalized version of events

source

1) I look at the back of the grey bus seat, empty and non-seeing.
2) The flower petals fall into the garbage can, one by one. 
White
              Brown
                            Dead
3) The shredder continues whirring. His puns continue disappearing.
4) The flames reach higher and higher, and those brown eyes soon disappear from my life.
5) I blink back tears, repeating to myself that he was not worth crying over.
6) The buildings, the leaves, the birds, and the clouds taunt me. Telling me to look up and up. To be
free. But it’s hard to trust them when it told the same thing to him.
7) I move on with my life. He’s not worth thinking about.
8) On the first day of classes, I wanted to barf. I was terrified of seeing him again. I didn’t eat
much that day or the days after that.
9) We see each other, we pass each other. Strangers again.
10) Life continues. Graduation happens. Orientation, first day of college, I start to forget about
him.
11) We saw each other again, nothing was said, we continue with our lives.
12) I finally look up again, free. 

And now the weather: Yellow Flicker Beat by Lorde
~ Stacy N.
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