My Asianess and Sexuality

Photo by Pham Khoai

I’ve never felt broken as an asexual. I’ve never felt the need from American society to have sex or that sex was very important in a relationship. Of course, I do see that American society does emphasize that sex is “important” because it’s everywhere in books, television shows, music, movies, etc. But I’ve never felt broken because I’m an Asian-American who grew up in an Asian household.

In Vietnam, it’s discouraged to show public displays of affection or to be intimately close with your partner. Literally, couples won’t even hold hands when they’re out walking in the streets. Mix in the fact that some/most Asian parents say, “don’t date while you’re in school because they’ll only distract you from your studies.” And I took that to heart (failing a few times here or there). So, I never really felt broken because it seems like the Asian (more Vietnamese) culture emphasized no public displays of affection or to even talk about sex or anything of that sort.

Plus, it was common to meet your partner through a matchmaker. So, feeling like you had to have sex to be intimate with your partner was never there because you only had sex to carry on your family line. So, in the end, what I’m trying to say is, because of my race I’ve never felt pressured to have sex in a relationship to remain intimate with my partner because it seems like sex is predominately used to carry on your family line. That’s why I never felt that I was broken unlike what (it seems) many ace* people experience.

And that my friends is an example of intersectional feminism where my race intersected with my sexuality.
It also explains why I didn’t find out I was asexual until late into high school because I’ve never really thought about my sexuality much because I was mainly worrying about school and some other personal problems.

And now the weather:

Every time I saw someone who identified as ace, they appeared to be white - Shae Collins on “7 Sex Myths I Had to Unlearn When I Realized I Was Asexual” via everyday feminism (Finally, someone else who understands my struggle in the ace community.)

*Ace according to urbandictionary.com (the second definition) is "Asexual to any degree. Using "ace" for "asexual" gained popularity on AVEN (www.asexuality.org) and has inspired the use of the spade as a symbol of the asexual community."

~ Stacy N.