Circles

Photo by Tuur Tisseghem

Give me something to think about, and my thoughts will cycle around and around it like an obsessive wolf circling her prey.
Pause.
I know exactly what to do to get out of it, but still there's a part of me that's resistant. That's afraid of the consequences.
Pause.
So to get out of that cycle, I work and focus on something else. Whether that's schoolwork, actually being at work, some club officer stuff, or whatever.
Pause.
It works for a moment. But when it's quiet, while I'm driving, listening to music, reading, or watching videos, or whatever, my mind can't help but go back to circling those thoughts. About my future, certain parts of my past, about me in general, or even other things.
Pause.
I don't know how or what to feel. It's just there like some kind of glob, and I'm not sure if I want to sort it out.
Pause.
So I write it all out, but I don't know if that's going to help.
Pause.
I take a moment to breathe because what else can I do?

And now the weather:
idontwannabeyouanymore by Billie Eilish

~ Stacy N.