Dear me #1

Dear me #1,

I have decided to start a letter series on this blog (like right at this moment.) I know it's a weird way to come back to blogging. And honestly, I'm not sure it will even last, but you know what, at least it's something. And I'm doing it more for me. If people want to read in on it, they are more than welcome to do so. Of course, I will still have my little journal of private thoughts that I will still write in every single day/night (more night, to be honest.) But yeah, I think this will be nice to get into again. And I know I constantly say this every time I get back on this blog (or try to get back into it), but I do miss blogging. I miss sharing my thoughts with the world. It's also nice to receive some kind of affirmation from people about how my words have affected them in some way. Also, I feel like a Devi right now from the Netflix show Never Have I Ever. Except I am not a high schooler, and I have some more life experience at this point in my life. 

I also decided not to really post anything on my social media feeds*, mainly Facebook because it feels so personal. Like a lot of people I know will probably comment on it, and I don't know if I can face talking about it with them again. I don't know why, but it always made me feel a bit awkward when people I know talk about my blog. Though I do understand it is cause they want to connect with me on that front. But, I don't know, it always made me feel so vulnerable. And I know that vulnerability isn't a weakness, but it's still taking me a while to really fully acknowledge that and try to learn otherwise. 

It's quite funny because it has not always been that way actually. I remember when I was younger, back in jr. high and high school, I was quite excited to get my blog out there and share it with people I know. And then, trauma happened, and I started to pull back on this site, especially when I reached university. I wanted to distract myself in a way, but also connect with people whom I never thought I would have connected with. Anyway, a lot has happened in the eleven years which I've had this blog. There was a long ass hiatus, and covid was a struggle. I moved to a different state. The ever-constant realization that I need to get help via a therapist is becoming more transparent by the day. (More on that in a different letter.) Adulting, just adulting. 

Anyway, to get back to the point. I'm going to post more letters, and yeah, let's see where this will go, shall we?

*It might automatically post for my Twitter if I remember correctly.

Taken at the Seattle Asian Art Museum. 

~ Stacy N.