I'm almost twenty... in eight more months

I'm always looking up, aren't I?

I’m scared of my twenties. I’m scared of growing up, still confused and lost as ever about what I really want to do. I’m scared of being hurt and being more cynical than ever. I’m scared of financial debt and possibly crappy jobs. I’m scared of that inevitable tiredness. I’m scared of losing myself amongst all of this hopelessness, that’s found in almost every corner of the world. I’m scared of getting lost in a never ending routine that leads me to nowhere.
Yet…
I’m excited to find myself in unexpected places. I’m excited to be able to make choices that I know are right for me. I’m excited to continue to fall more in love with myself each day. I’m excited to learn more about a lot of things (feminism, English, languages, etc.) I’m excited to expand my horizon. I’m excited to continually look deep inside of myself and consciously change all of the problematic things that are still embedded deep inside of me (no matter how hard it may be). I’m excited for better changes that are actually helpful for the community. I’m excited for, hopefully, a better future, no matter how rocky that future may be.

And now the weather:
Stiches by Shawn Mendes, cover by Alessia Cara

~ Stacy N.

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Another poem about society's downfalls

This poem addresses a lot of society's downfalls such as racism, murder, fat shaming, classism, banned books, sexism, rape, and homophobia. So watch at your own risk.

 ~ Stacy N.

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Too personal for a Valentine's Day post

Photographed by Rinaldo R

I almost want to be in a relationship with someone. To get to know another person on a deeper level. To let them see the sides of me that I don’t dare show anyone. To be vulnerable with them. But I can’t, and I won’t. Because being vulnerable with someone also means accepting the risk of being hurt and thrown away. Of becoming nothing.
Which hurts.
Especially after all of this effort in starting to become something in this beautiful, crappy world. However, I now realize that no matter what kind of shit happens, I’ll always still be something. Something important on a very personal level. And I’m still trying to see that.
But it’s hard, it’s hard, it’s hard.

And now the weather:
Stars by Alessia Cara

We could be stars...

~ Stacy N.

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Letters part 2

Winter California car rides

Dear dog that I used to own,
I miss you. You were so fluffy, cute, and kind (except for when you started barking at the door whenever someone knocked). You were fun to play fetch with (though you were very attached to your tennis balls). As well as fun to go on walks with (except for that time when you rolled in your own poop).
I wish we kept you longer.
~ Stacy N.

And now the weather:
Like I'm Gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor & John Legend: Cover by Clara C & Joseph Vincent

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Another (mini) existential crisis

Text reads: At the edge of the pond / someone who looks like me / is holding hands / with someone who looks like you. / I begin to wonder  who I am / because I don't look like me. - Zachary Schomburg
The poem is a little part of the bigger poem titled "The Pond" by Zachary Schomburg.

And now the weather:
Just Give Me A Reason by P!nk ft. Nate Ruess (Jun Sung Ahn Violin Cover ft. Sarah Park)

~ Stacy N.

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