2 truths and a lie

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- I'm a lightweight when it comes to drinking.

- I've been going to Arizona every year for the past six years.

- My covid-19 splurge was all of the Sims 4 expansions and packs that were available at the time.

The answer will be revealed at some point in the future.

And now the weather:

Secret Love Song feat. Jason Derulo by Little Mix

~ Stacy N.

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It's 11:11, make a wish

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I accidentally stumbled onto one of my old posts that I made ten years ago. Looking through it, it got me thinking that I still kind of believe in those simple, silly beliefs even till today. Except, it's changed a bit because of location;  with how I'm at work and not school; and the people whom I surround myself with. Anyway, let's see how it's different now.

Legend says, when you can’t sleep at night, it’s because you’re awake in someone else’s dream.

(found on tumblr)

I can't sleep at night because of various thoughts and activities and probably also not trying hard enough to have a better (but still flexible) bedtime routine. Also, wouldn't it be selfish of me if I thought that I was awake in someone else's dream? Though, it would be flattering indeed. Even though I'm most likely just a background character.

Whenever the necklace clasp is in the front, it means that someone is thinking about you.

(Heard from a friend; and if I recall correctly, if the clasp is on the left a family member is thinking about you or if it ends up on the right side, your crush is thinking about you)

I hope my significant other is always thinking about me. After all, I'm always thinking about them 🎵In paper rings, in picture frames, in dirty dreams.🎵 (And in almost every single thought.) It would also make sense why my necklace clasp keeps on moving no matter how often I adjust it.

It’s 11:11, make a wish.

11:11, instead of wishing for happiness I wish for safety now. For everyone around me, and for myself. After going through so much trauma and such, I just want people to be safe. Peace and happiness will follow suit once that hierarchical need is met.

Spin the stem of a fruit while saying the alphabet at the same time. And when the stem comes off at a random letter, it means that you’re going to marry a person whose first or last name starts with whatever letter you’ve stopped at.

 (A silly thing my friend made up in eighth grade)

At this point in time, I always try to get the stem off on either one of the letters in my beloved's initials. It doesn't work though.  xD It's probably a good thing too considering that I don't really want to get married. (Who knows if my mind will change.) 

Now let's see if those beliefs will stay with me for another ten years.

And now the weather: 

Paper Rings by Taylor Swift

~ Stacy N.

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What is that?

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I'm slowly getting some gray (technically white) hairs. Of course, I always end up plucking it out, and thankfully it's a strand or two every few months or so. I can't help but be amazed by it because it's interesting to me how much melanin just disappeared in that one strand and only that one strand. However, I'm also always freaking out because oh shit that's a white hair and I'm too young to be getting old.

Thinking about it though, it's most likely caused by stress and genetics. One of my biological uncles' hair turned fully gray when he was in college! Even younger than me! He was also facing a lot of stress too from being a Việt Nam War refugee, adjusting to a new country, family expectations, etc. 

What do I have to stress about? I'm grateful that I don't have to flee a crumbling country or deal with my grandfather's harshness directly. However, there were other family dramas/trauma to deal with, alongside the stress of school and living in general. And those thoughts are always on my mind, no matter how much I try to let it pass like a cloud in the sky.

Eventually, I have to learn how to be okay with it. After all, it's completely normal according to this University of Utah Health podcast. Plus, I have another 10 years before my hair will really start graying. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to freak out about it still (I am still a bit vain about my hair after all of this time.) Thankfully, I can always pluck it out still.

And now the weather:

Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift

~ Stacy N.

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I still don't feel like an adult adult

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What I didn't realize about adulthood: 

• Always asking for a more adult adult. (Help, I still feel like a kid.)
• How many bags you end up accumulating in your lifetime. (I have so many plastic, paper, tote bags, and other kinds of bags.)
• Not wanting kids is a completely normal feeling. (Also seems to be common amongst the people I'm around.)
• Endless cycles of keeping the kitchen clean mainly. (So many crumbs.)
• How many phone calls you end up making to get things done. (Doctor one, specialist two, politician three.)
• A lot of password sharing that is done with your partner/family/friends. (Jokingly, does anyone have peacock?)
• Forever figuring out what to eat. (Am I really in a cereal mood or do I just want it because it's right there?)
• Endlessly being disappointed in politics and the state of the world. (Oh the Supreme Court, you're totally apolitical.)
• Community is everywhere, you just have to be willing to go out there and find it. (It's still pretty scary and kind of tiring putting myself out there.)
• How everything just ends up repeating itself over and over again. (Hello, I'm so and so and I'm from Utah, and no I am not a Mormon.)
• Making friends is hard, maintaining them is even harder. (There isn't a common factor of school at this point.)
• Planning things takes a minimum of a month in advance. (Probably a bit different for everyone, but that's been true for me for all of my various friend groups so far.)
• How you tell the same story over and over again to different groups of people. (I remember that one time...)
• How you slowly become a bit like your parents in a way. (Why yes I'm aware that I also have organized piles everywhere, much like my dad.)
• The same complaints that fall out of my mouth. (Oh Seattle drivers, please follow the fudging road signs and lines on the road!)
• There is no one size fits all. (Whether it's clothes or skincare advice or anything else in between.)
• Some old dogs really do not want to learn new tricks. (Not just talking about actual dogs either.)
• A lot of people actually don't know how to sincerely apologize. (Saying, it's just a joke isn't an apology nor is getting out the ukelele to sing about it.)
• Water is the ultimate adult drink. (I'm still terrible at staying hydrated though.)
• How important art and the humanities are and how it's everywhere in life. (The billboards, websites, movies, books, and such doesn't become that from ai btw.)
• The oh-my-gosh-I-haven't-seen-you-in-forever-we-should-totally-hang-out-soon. And some/most of the time that doesn't actually happen. (A lot of words, not enough action, and I admit some of it is my fault too.)
• Learning how to be okay with both loss and change. (If that didn't happen, I would have never grown up.)
• How your childhood affects your whole life. (A thought that I'm very much aware of as I live my day-to-day life.)
• How your parents (and really everyone) also didn't know shit and how they're figuring it out one day at a time too.

And now the weather:

Theme Song (I'm Far Away) (From the "MOOMINVALLEY" Official Soundtrack) by MØ

~ Stacy N.

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Jesus, it's brutal out there

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I'm conflicted between wanting to die because I live in the United States.  (It is doing its best to make sure that I die because I don't have the cis-white-male-class-straight privilege.) While not wanting to live in any other place in the world because they don't seem to understand the weirdness (and particular kind of systematic oppression) that constantly goes on in the United States. Plus I genuinely like the United State's diversity and its fighting spirit to make it an equitable place for everyone in it, even if it means prison and death.

At the same time, I am very much aware that oppression, especially systematic oppression is also everywhere in the world. (I mean look at France.) I was just focused on the United States in particular because I'm the idiot that happens to live in it still. 

No wonder why my generation is the way it is. Yet, I'm still proud of it in a way. 

And now the weather:

vampire by Oliva Rodrigo

~ Stacy N.

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