1/17/11

Guilt


I sigh; today's going to be the day where I ask my crush out. I took one tiny step to his table, then another, and another. Just as I was about to take another step though, Baden stepped in front of me, looking as happy as ever. "Hey, Melody," he says causally, and happyish. "Hey Bade," I say causally back, while trying to step around him. "What are you doing?" he said, stepping along with me. "Oh, just something," I said trying to step around him again. "And what is that?" he says copying my step. "Just something really important, now will you please move?" I ask annoyed. "Okay, see ya in class," he says bounding off, like a wounded puppy. It made me feel kind of bad, to know that I've hurt him like that. But it didn't last long, because my crush was getting up to go somewhere. And the good news was that he was by himself, so it saved me from asking him in front friends. And that would be awkward.
I backtrack a couple of steps, and nearly sprint up to him. "Hey," he says not looking back at me. "Hi," I swallow up my fear, so my voice won't shake. "So what are you doing?" he stops, and waits for me. "Nothing just getting a soda," I lie. "Yeah, right," he smirks. "Well what are you doing?" I ask getting a bit irritable. "Just talking to you, duh," he said lightly. "Well what were you going to do before I came?" He became silent, clearly not going to answer. "Hey Mel, would you like to go outside with me please," then he left, meaning there's no choice but to follow. "Okay, but Rain wait," he didn't turn around still heading out into the courtyard.
Once we stopped, we were under the cherry tree, hidden blissfully away from everybody. Rain seemed nervous somehow, but he took a deep breath, and seemed okay again. "Hey Rain, are you okay?" I desperately wanted to ask him to go to the movies with me but my voice won't go that far. "Yeah, it's just that I was wondering about something," he looks at me with his smoke gray eyes. It always reminds me of campfires, and warm nights by the chimney with friends and family. "What are you wondering about?" I kind of wish him to be a bit closer, so I could smell his woodsy smell. "Well, umm do you want to go to the movies with me this weekend," he looks at me, his eyes pleading a bit. "Just you and me?" and I thought, that I was going to ask him out. "Yeah, I mean I understand if you can't," he says quickly, acting kind of sad. "Well sure, I would like to go to the movies with you," I say looking down.
A guilty knot starts forming in my stomach. "Really," he says excitedly. I nod, trying to ignore the guilty knot in my stomach. "Well cool, I'll pick you up at seven, on Friday." "Cool," my stomach starts twisting uncomfortably now. He looks at me like he wants something else to. But before I can ask him about it, the bell rang, almost like a little child screaming for its mommy. "See ya," I say, walking away. But before I even went two steps, he grabbed my hand, making me stop. "Wait," he said, and before I could say anything, he kissed me on my forehead. Then he left, before I fully realized what has happened. The place where he kissed me, tingled joyfully, but the rest of my body is in disgust. I finally got what I wanted, I thought. But why do I feel so guilty having it?

0 comments:

Post a Comment

Hey, please, review my blog policy before commenting. Also, have a good day. ^.^