Part three.

Photo by Justin Schüler

He laid on his bed wishing for an us. But there never was an us, just a what if.

And now the weather:

Poor Heart by Yuna

~ Stacy N.

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Lost Boys

An interesting little short film about Rufio (one of the Lost Boys in the movie Hook.) It hints at some of the troubles that Rufio face (foster care, mom getting deported, bully), which isn't unusual for a Lost Boy. This makes me wonder if he ever sees his mom again.

~ Stacy N.

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Bullet Journaling

I tried bullet journaling* long ago. After watching this video, I got excited and productive and tried doing exactly what the video said. However, that got too overwhelming (and a bit confusing) because it felt like I was still following a strict structure, one that's almost like a planner but isn't.

*bullet journal: a planner, diary, and/or notebook in one. You can use any notebook or journal, but most people go with a dotted journal.

 Then a few years later I stumbled upon this blog post and a Nifty video.

The video and the blog post still had the original structure, an index, a key, a future log, a monthly log, and a weekly/daily log. But it was all customizable, and not everything was required. If you didn't want a monthly log, that's fine because your bullet journal is a simple reflection of you. If you wanted to have a place exclusively for quotes, that's cool too. If you wanted to go down the creative route, go right ahead. If you're like me and can't really draw then, it's fine to go down the minimalist route.

In general, just make it your own and have fun with it. If you're not having fun anymore, then you're either my friend who says that people who bullet journal secretly hate it but continue with it because they like making something pretty (funny enough, she also has a bullet journal.) Or you feel pressured to keep up with the pretty bullet journal style because everyone you know has a pretty bullet journal. If it's the latter, just change it up and follow what your heart tells you to.

~ Stacy N.

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Part two.

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo

Finn had never been the best at being patient. If he did, he would have waited forever for Diggs. But when he saw that Diggs wasn't arriving anytime soon, he hopped onto the train before it could close on him.
His goodbye best reserved for other people.

And now the weather:
Fools by Troye Sivan

~ Stacy N.

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What happened to forever?

Photo by Jimmy Bay

She whispered in my ear stories that were never meant to be told, truths that were never meant to be believed, and promises that were meant to be broken. She held me like the world was going to be okay but it wasn't. She kissed me like we were going to be a forever, but forever was a temporary thing. Sooner or later everything and anything was going to die.

And now the weather:
Sorry by Halsey

~ Stacy N.

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The monstrous thing

Photo by Can Anh Khai

“Oh dear,” the doctor said, “oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.” They were looking at the x-ray, pacing back in forth in that small, neutral-colored room. Their hysteria was rising higher and higher with each step.
“What,” I asked, still laying down on that little patient’s table.  Instead of replying the doctor just said oh dear some more, causing my blood pressure to rise till it felt like I was close to exploding.
“Really doc, what’s wrong?”
“This,” was all the doctor said, looking at the x-ray in her hands, her pacing and oh dears increasing tenfold.
“What the doctor meant to say is,” I almost jumped up, I forgot that there was a nurse in the corner of the room. Ever still, ever silent, ever frowning. “That you’re slated for surgery soon.”
“Surgery?” Surely, whatever the x-ray showed couldn’t be that bad, could it?
“Yes, surgery.”
“But why?”
He only looked at me like I was stupid, but I’m not stupid, “to remove that love bug. It’s gotten longer since your last visit.” Oh, that. I forgot that was there.
“Okay,” I replied. His frown only deepened.
“Are you not worried that you could die from this Mr. Porter if  left untreated?”
“But, wouldn’t it be better to die in the name of love?” He only frowned, while the doctor continued to say oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

To prepare myself for my operation next week, I found myself watching videos of love bug removal surgeries. It was horrible, seeing them slowly take out the long, icky, yellow love monster. White teeth up and down its eel-like body, continually biting onto something to hold. I bet it smelled like nuclear waste and tasted like oil in salt water.
The aftermath left unprecedented results, different for each person. Whether it was multiple holes in the heart, one single hole, stab wounds in its lungs, or even no mark at all. That was when the bug was caught early on before it could do any actual damage. The longer the bug resides in you, the deadlier the damage.

I was glad when they told me that my surgery was next Saturday, but sad too. The monstrous thing made me feel oh so light and genuinely happy. Especially when I got to see him. Crazy haired, wild-eyed, looking like any famous K-Pop star. It was bad, it shouldn’t have happened, but it did, for months on end.
Months spent time growing the monster so it could kill me. Months full of wistful sighs and heart eyes. Months full of denial and rejection. Months spent wishing for something that could never have been mine.

And now the weather:
All I Want Is You by Tristan Prettyman

~ Stacy N.

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One possible way to approach racist comments

An interesting way to approach racist comments. Engaging in a conversation and asking them why they said it is helpful in making the other person reevaluate their choices. However, only do it when you know you're not going to get hurt (or in some cases, killed.)
No one really learns anything if they aren't taught why what they're doing is wrong.

~ Stacy N.

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Forth of July

Here you go, enjoy a series of videos, while I go into the background and think about what freedom really is, the cost of said freedom, and the millions of people who have been affected by the choices that make up the United States today (Native Americans and blacks in particular.)

Listening to this makes me wonder about the term "honorary white," some Asian American privileges that I have, and my role in the complicated race relations of the U.S.

~ Stacy N.

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Books You Could Put Aside Maybe to Read This Summer

Not featured is I Am More Than a Daydream and What Happens Now

I should have posted my summer reading list during the beginning of summer, but I didn't because of reasons. So, I'm going to post it now. Also, so far I've managed to read four of the fourteen books. I'm aiming to get at least halfway through the list, by the time classes start again.

• The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
• Roomies by Sara Zarr and Tara Altebrando 
• Gem & Dixie by Sara Zarr
• Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo
• Goodbye Days by Jeff Zentner
• Wires and Nerve, Volume 1  by Marissa Meyer and Douglas Holgate
• What Happens Now by Hazel Ureta
• Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur
• I Am More Than a Daydream by Jennae Cecelia
• Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates
• The Sympathizer by Viet Thanh Nguyen
• 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami
• Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow
• Hamilton: The Revolution by Lin-Manuel Miranda and Jeremy McCarter

Note the title is a quote from If on a Winter's Night a Traveler by Italo Calvino.

And now the weather:
Jolene by Dolly Parton, cover by Miley Cyrus

~ Stacy N.

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Currently...

Photo by Jimmy Chang

Instead of reflecting on what June bought me, I'm going to focus on the now, like right now. So without further ado, let's get started.

Listening:
To Vietnamese music in the background and the sound of distant fireworks. Earlier, I listened to all the Hamilton music that is available (including the workshop version.)

Reading:
Other than what I'm typing out, I'm currently reading Roomies by Sara Zarr and Tara Altebrando. It's a cute summer read, and it's making me reflect a bit on the summer before I started college, which is nice and kind of sad. Last night, I finished Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates. It's an amazing memoir that makes you think a lot about anti-black racism in the United States, and how it's still continuing on today. Eventually, I'll write a longer post about the book once I gather my thoughts after reading the intensity of that.

Watching:
Nothing at the moment, other than a lot of Youtube videos, which I guess counts. Currently, I'm enjoying season two of Love @First Night, which is adorable and funny and dramatic and diverse in all the right ways.

Dreaming:
Who knows what. Ever since I got back from Seattle, my dreams have been disappearing on me like a magician's smoke. But honestly, I've been dreaming of a brighter future where the world isn't problematic as it is now. But the pessimistic/realist side of me says that that won't happen because it seems that humans have a tendency to hate each other for some little thing and then build a system around that idea. After all, history tends to repeat itself.

And now the weather:
Papercut by Zedd ft. Troye Sivan

~ Stacy N.

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Part one.

Photo by Griffin Keller

His heart has never been the clearest when it came to figuring out what he wanted.
Especially when it concerned Finn.

And now the weather:

Falling by Yuna

~ Stacy N.

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