Signs that pointed to my asexuality

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While watching this youtube video about asexuality that got me thinking about my past and how different it was from a non-asexual person. For those of you who don’t know, asexuality is a lack of a sexuality. It’s one where the person doesn’t feel a sexual attraction. Of course, there are variations of asexuality like demi-asexual, where the person only feels sexual attraction once they formed a strong emotional bond with someone; and grey-asexual, whose definition differs for each grey-asexual person.

Now I’m going off course, but what I want to add before I go back to my main topic is that yes asexuality is an actual  sexuality (or technically lack of one) and yes it is important to showcase more asexuals in media and everywhere else to show that it is normal to be one in this sex-crazed part of the world.

And now onto the signs that pointed towards my asexuality:

• If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know by now that my crushes usually go away pretty quickly. However, now that I think about it, I think I only liked them because they were aesthetically pleasing to look at.
• There were only about two moments in my life when I just “clicked” with someone. When I knew for sure that I wanted to be in some kind of romantic relationship with them. Honestly, I’m not sure what that means. Am I really that choosy; does no one really interest me that much; etc.?
• Whenever friends (especially during those Jr. High school years) asked me who I was crushing on, I would usually lie and say a random classmate’s name. And then I would force myself to like them in that romantic sense so I couldn’t be seen as a liar. And it sucked. Honestly, I felt kind of hollow and fake because I knew for sure that wasn’t what I was actually feeling.
• I’ve only had about two sex dreams in my life. And all I saw was myself doing the act but never getting an orgasm. Plus, they never lasted for long, only a couple of minutes or so. And I know that people (guys, girls, and those in between) my age were having more sex dreams than that.
• Back in 8th grade, my friend said that when a person pulls one of their fingers back, the painful sound they made was what they would also make when they’re having sex. When she pushed my finger back all I said was, “ow” in an anti-climactic way.
• When friends tell me their dreams of who they made out with, I could never relate to them because I never got those dreams.
• Whenever I read posts on tumblr or facebook about being horny, especially when you’re on your period, again I could never relate because I never felt that. Yes, I’ve wanted to kiss certain people but never to the point where I wanted to have sex with them.
• When I was with my last ex, I felt like I wasn’t ever enough because I couldn’t give them what they wanted which was ultimately sex. It was never in my best interest and thankfully they respected that.
• I’ve never felt the urge to join the crowd and have sex with anyone at all, especially during my high school years. Mainly because I live in Utah so the schools were predominately Mormon and I usually hung out with Mormon people. And again, I’m also pretty asexual.
• It was always weird watching people have sex in movies and TV shows or when I was reading studies about sex. I could never relate to them because they seemed like this other in my mind. An other that is predominately the norm in the United States.
• Whenever I read sex scenes in books, I would always put the book down before going back to it later (by then with some force on my part because I wanted to get the whole thing over with.)

Eventually, it clicked that I was asexual when I saw some tumblr posts about it and how it almost perfectly described me. That was when I realized that I wasn't "normal" in the eyes of the world because I don't want or even need to talk about sex, let alone have it. And honestly, I feel better knowing that. During my discovery process, I realized that I'm not alone and that it is completely normal to be asexual. And honestly, you're not broken because of that.

And now the weather:

"Bolt" by Formula Arts

~ Stacy N.

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Asexuality

A great video that talks about asexuality, the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, the romantic attraction spectrum, and more.

~ Stacy N.

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A video about mass shootings & voting

Note: This was written during the time the Orlando Shooting occurred. I wasn't comfortable enough to post it then, however, I'm ready to post it now after doing a lot of thinking (and trying to clean up my drafts folder.)

Content warning: death, mass shootings, guns

When I heard about the Orlando shooting I was scared, sad, and angry. Scared because it affects me on a personal level as a queer person of color. Sad that the shooter thought that this was even okay in the first place. And angry that the society we live in is still for LGBTQIA+ discrimination, from bills that dictate where a trans* person could go to the bathroom to the fact that people could be fired all because of their sexual orientation. As the video says, we're not going to help anything if all we do is change our fucking profile picture on Facebook for a day or two. Yes, that shows "support", but what use is that support if you continually practice LGBTQIA+ discrimination yourself. Whether it's intentionally misgendering someone; refusing to see someone's relationship as valid because you only believe in heterosexuality; believing that a person could only be straight or gay and can't be anything in between; intentionally harass someone because they don't fit your view of what a "normal" male or female is supposed to be; complain about why isn't there straight pride and then using the excuse, "sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I know people who are gay/part of the LGBTQIA+ spectrum." when people confront you about it; and more.
Actual support consists of really learning about the discrimination LGBTQIA+ people face; actually try to not discriminate against people because of their sexuality and gender expression; sincerely apologizing if you do make a mistake, learn why it's a mistake, and then try to not repeat said mistake in the future; signing petitions that attempt to stop discrimination on a bigger systematic level; telling your local representatives to take action on behalf of the people to stop the discrimination; going to vigils; donating and/or helping out groups that actively try to stop the discrimination, and more.
When I saw the Dalai Lama speak live on my college campus, one of the important messages he gave was that if we wanted to see a more peaceful, happy society, then we need to actively take action, not passively pray about it or to talk about it on social media or in real life with no intention of actually doing something about it. And one of the best ways to do that is to register to vote and to actually vote on November 8, 2016. Sure, we may have a small voice when it comes to the federal government but our voice is big when it comes to local, state government.
Vote for people who you want to best represent your district and state. After all, the people in congress are supposed to represent the American people, and that's hard to do if some of them aren't willing to be more open-minded. Also, vote for people who genuinely care about the people they're representing, and who aren't going to turn on the people just to get more power, money, or because their party told them to. So VOTE. And don't forget to tell others to vote.

Some links to help you get more involved with the social justice movement:
The Human Rights campaign 
DoSomething.org

Voting info:
Voting registration dates (the whole site is pretty useful in general because it has other kinds of voting info like state requirements, voting methods, who to contact if you need help with voting, etc.)
Registering to vote

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LGBT Rights

Last day of Important Conversations from Not At All Stupid.
And it's going to be in pictures.

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