i am typing in lowercase for a reason

photo by alena darmel on pexels

dear me,

do you know what sucks? trauma and dysfunctional families. it got to the point where i started crying when reading books by vietnamese american authors this year. all because it hit waaaaay too close to home. shit, it felt like i am in those strange family relationships at this point in my life. and you know what? crying is okay, and i have a support system that i can count on to help me get through this. even though i am not willing to spill the beans on what my family life is like, at least i know people will be there to at least keep my mind off of things. even though i know i should go to therapy for this. but hey, at least it's not drugs or anything very self-destructive. so yay on that part.

sincerely,

a mess of a being

and now the weather:

numb little bug by em beihold

~ stacy n.

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Randomly sad for no reason at all

And this song isn't really helping my mood at all. However, I like it. 

Broken ~ Lifehouse.

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight

Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time

I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts

I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain, there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head

I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead

I still see your reflection inside of my eyes

That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

with a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain (in the pain), is there healing

In your name (in your name) I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day

Just to see what you throw my way

And I'm hanging on to the words you say

You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone

I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

with a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain(In the pain) there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),

I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),

I'm barely holdin' on to you

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So cute.

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