Goodbye 2017

Photo by Adam Birkett

Looking back, I viewed 2017 in a negative light. And I was right to a certain extent. Trump proved to be a jackass by banning trans people from enlisting in the military (thankfully that's been repealed). Threatening some Vietnamese immigrants with deportation even though they're protected under an agreement made back in 2008 between the U.S. and Vietnam that allows those who came to the U.S. before 1995 to stay even if they have deportation orders. As well as, taking away the DACA program, and other measures. It also didn't help that 2016 wasn't a good year for me personally, so that helped shape my view of what I thought 2017 was going to be.
However, this year I learned a lot. I learned about the incredible solidarity and human empathy people can have for each other. I learned just how powerful money can speak in this world, whether it's used for good or bad. And how small and kind of pity my problems are in the grand scheme of the universe, and how humbling that is.
2017 was a year of growth and getting better (or at least trying). Whether it was drinking more water, trying out the bullet journal system, finding out my sleep schedule, getting out of my comfort zone, etc. Overall, trying to find out what works for me and what didn't.
I've also had a lot of amazing opportunities this year from being an editor over at the Stay Bookish zine (link) to being a treasurer for AASA. From being a secretary for VASA to being an unexpected dog owner. And honestly, yes it's a lot of hard work and quite stressful at times, but it's been pretty fun, and I wouldn't trade in those experiences for anything else in the world.
To be honest, I didn't expect myself to travel quite a bit more this year. Whether it was to Arizona, Washington, or even Colorado where along the way I've met quite a medley of people who still help me continue to grow to this day. I've also met an interesting group of people in Utah and connected more with some of the people I've already known.
And I know that it sounds cheesy when I say that I wouldn't change anything (well maybe a few parts, I'm still a bit of a perfectionist) but overall, it's been a good year for me personally. Yeah, there are a few bumps along the way, and truth be told I'm not in the greatest place mentally right now, but I still wouldn't trade it in for anything the whole world, even Hamilton tickets. Hopefully, 2018 will be just as okay.

And now the weather:
Stargazing by Kygo ft. Justin Jesso

 ~ Stacy N.

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Circles

Photo by Tuur Tisseghem

Give me something to think about, and my thoughts will cycle around and around it like an obsessive wolf circling her prey.
Pause.
I know exactly what to do to get out of it, but still there's a part of me that's resistant. That's afraid of the consequences.
Pause.
So to get out of that cycle, I work and focus on something else. Whether that's schoolwork, actually being at work, some club officer stuff, or whatever.
Pause.
It works for a moment. But when it's quiet, while I'm driving, listening to music, reading, or watching videos, or whatever, my mind can't help but go back to circling those thoughts. About my future, certain parts of my past, about me in general, or even other things.
Pause.
I don't know how or what to feel. It's just there like some kind of glob, and I'm not sure if I want to sort it out.
Pause.
So I write it all out, but I don't know if that's going to help.
Pause.
I take a moment to breathe because what else can I do?

And now the weather:
idontwannabeyouanymore by Billie Eilish

~ Stacy N.

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