It was unusually quiet, in the dank, smelly hallway. The roof was full of water patches, as big as elephants, waiting to fall in any time. Though I kept moving, so I could just escape, from them, hoping they won’t follow. My dim flashlight, cast eerie, pulsating shadows. Growing as long and skinny as tree trunks. But with faces so scary, beyond anything you can imagine. My only hope is to go forward, to the end of the hallway where there’s light. The light that means hope. Hope for a better future. Hope that everything will turn up okay in the end. And hope for all my friends, to have better futures, just like I might have as well. So on, I go one step at a time.
1/31/11
1/23/11
What the heck?
I was walking down the busy downtown street of Salt Lake City. Enjoying the beautiful view of the mountains, while listening to the traffic of rush hour, and smelling the delicious smells of scones, and other delectable foods. Of all the while of keeping my eye out for someone important. I stop in front of the bookstore, to seek him out, knowing he would most likely be here. But what I saw freaked me out.
Near the sports store, I saw two familiar guys. My twin brother and my crush. They were talking about stuff, while something dawned on me. Of course, my gay brother, the one who like unicorns, and rainbows, and cute puppies, and should have born to the Greek goddess of rainbows, called Iris. Should have a crush, on my crush. Confusing I know, but what freaked me out a bit, was that my crush also had a crush on my brother. And to make things worse for me, was that they were flirting with each other, in front of everybody here. It's true; people keep giving them weird, possibly disgusted looks as they pass, wondering if they're kidding, or if it's for real.
Well that's what they get for having a world full of heterosexists. I sigh, thinking I was getting somewhere with him. Now I know to only crush on guys, that don't hang out with my brother. It's just another episode, of a guy that's only a friend, and not something a bit more.
1/17/11
Guilt
I sigh; today's going to be the day where I ask my crush out. I took one tiny step to his table, then another, and another. Just as I was about to take another step though, Baden stepped in front of me, looking as happy as ever. "Hey, Melody," he says causally, and happyish. "Hey Bade," I say causally back, while trying to step around him. "What are you doing?" he said, stepping along with me. "Oh, just something," I said trying to step around him again. "And what is that?" he says copying my step. "Just something really important, now will you please move?" I ask annoyed. "Okay, see ya in class," he says bounding off, like a wounded puppy. It made me feel kind of bad, to know that I've hurt him like that. But it didn't last long, because my crush was getting up to go somewhere. And the good news was that he was by himself, so it saved me from asking him in front friends. And that would be awkward.
I backtrack a couple of steps, and nearly sprint up to him. "Hey," he says not looking back at me. "Hi," I swallow up my fear, so my voice won't shake. "So what are you doing?" he stops, and waits for me. "Nothing just getting a soda," I lie. "Yeah, right," he smirks. "Well what are you doing?" I ask getting a bit irritable. "Just talking to you, duh," he said lightly. "Well what were you going to do before I came?" He became silent, clearly not going to answer. "Hey Mel, would you like to go outside with me please," then he left, meaning there's no choice but to follow. "Okay, but Rain wait," he didn't turn around still heading out into the courtyard.
Once we stopped, we were under the cherry tree, hidden blissfully away from everybody. Rain seemed nervous somehow, but he took a deep breath, and seemed okay again. "Hey Rain, are you okay?" I desperately wanted to ask him to go to the movies with me but my voice won't go that far. "Yeah, it's just that I was wondering about something," he looks at me with his smoke gray eyes. It always reminds me of campfires, and warm nights by the chimney with friends and family. "What are you wondering about?" I kind of wish him to be a bit closer, so I could smell his woodsy smell. "Well, umm do you want to go to the movies with me this weekend," he looks at me, his eyes pleading a bit. "Just you and me?" and I thought, that I was going to ask him out. "Yeah, I mean I understand if you can't," he says quickly, acting kind of sad. "Well sure, I would like to go to the movies with you," I say looking down.
A guilty knot starts forming in my stomach. "Really," he says excitedly. I nod, trying to ignore the guilty knot in my stomach. "Well cool, I'll pick you up at seven, on Friday." "Cool," my stomach starts twisting uncomfortably now. He looks at me like he wants something else to. But before I can ask him about it, the bell rang, almost like a little child screaming for its mommy. "See ya," I say, walking away. But before I even went two steps, he grabbed my hand, making me stop. "Wait," he said, and before I could say anything, he kissed me on my forehead. Then he left, before I fully realized what has happened. The place where he kissed me, tingled joyfully, but the rest of my body is in disgust. I finally got what I wanted, I thought. But why do I feel so guilty having it?
Oops
"Hey, do you like someone?" asks the guy next to me. He had a mischievous smile on face, like he knew whom I was thinking about. "No," I asked trying hard not to blush. "Are you sure?" "Yeah," I'm very close to squeaking, and I only do that when I'm nervous, or when I lie. "Are you positively, absolutely, definitely sure about that?" I nod my head, not trusting my own voice. "Are you sure, that there is not one girl you're after?" he says still not letting go. "Well…" I swallow; I can't believe that I'm going to tell him. "Hmm," he raises a perfectly arched eyebrow. "Well, there is this one girl, and I've known her ever since I've seen her face. You could say it was love at first sight," I look down; I can't believe that I've told him that. "Well, that's easy just save the world, and that will win her heart," he says confidently, like he knows that it will work out perfectly. "I, I can't," I say blushing now. "Oh why's that?" he asks confused. "B-b-b-because s-s-s-she's," I swallow again, unsure of how to go on. "She's?" he asks, wanting me to go on. "B-b-because, she, she i-is the o-o-o-one that is g-g-g-going to destroy i-it," I stumbled. "She's the one that's going to destroy what?" he asks still confused. "She's the one that's going to destroy the world," I say quickly, getting exasperated with him. Everyone on the train gasps, at my remark, making me blush even more. "Oops," I say. Why did I even say that?
