Space in relationships

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Dear younger me who was first getting into her first serious relationship, 

You don't realize just how much physical space can affect your relationship, especially if you live together. A studio is nice and cheap, but it's also nice to go into a room to do your own thing away from your own partner for a bit. Don't forget to do your own hobbies, play your own games, and talk to your own friends who also aren't friends with your partner. In other words, don't be glued to your partner's side every single second of the day. That will breed resentment, as you soon realize at some point in time.

At the same time, don't forget to make intentional time for your partner. As in do date nights/date-like activities together like watching planes and eating snacks. Give a kiss and cuddle every time you all wake up and as soon as you get home. Because as you also realize there is never enough time together amidst all the craziness of work, volunteering, and other different types of hobbies you two do outside of each other.

It's weird trying to balance it all, but you make it work. It's hard at times, but as long as you two communicate with each other, it's fine.

And now the weather:

Waffle House by the Jonas Brothers

~ Stacy N.

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i am typing in lowercase for a reason

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dear me,

do you know what sucks? trauma and dysfunctional families. it got to the point where i started crying when reading books by vietnamese american authors this year. all because it hit waaaaay too close to home. shit, it felt like i am in those strange family relationships at this point in my life. and you know what? crying is okay, and i have a support system that i can count on to help me get through this. even though i am not willing to spill the beans on what my family life is like, at least i know people will be there to at least keep my mind off of things. even though i know i should go to therapy for this. but hey, at least it's not drugs or anything very self-destructive. so yay on that part.

sincerely,

a mess of a being

and now the weather:

numb little bug by em beihold

~ stacy n.

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good luck bro

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Hero's Journey

Go on it, and then in the end you teach others about what you've learned. 

In this case, teaching my brother about what I've learned in the hopes that he doesn't repeat the past.

I don't know if it worked. But I do know that I worry about him. And I hope that he doesn't end up making the same mistakes that a lot of other people end up making.

But let's see what fate has in store for him. And if stuff happens, stuff happens. All I could do is warn him, but not interfere with the outcome (under very limited circumstances.) After all, it is his life and he needs to face it.

From,

a very worried sister

And now the weather:

Moominvalley Movie 2019 Soundtrack

~ Stacy N.

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I got used to whiteness for so long that color is so foreign to me

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Dear Utah me,

The other day I was at my local library looking for my name among the holds. And I forgot that I'm not the only Vietnamese person with the last name, (insert super common Vietnamese surname) anymore so it took a while to find my book. It was pretty small, but a significant reminder to myself that I'm surrounded by diversity and a community that actively tries to make itself inclusive to everyone. It made me feel like I belonged somewhere on this speckle of a planet.

It also made me miss my parents because I know they would have loved it here and felt like they also belonged too. In a country, an ocean away from what they have known. Plus, it's nice to see the library (and the state) actively help people get integrated vs people having to give up themselves to assimilate into a country that actively tries to crush people to the ground.

I could almost breathe a sigh of relief, but that will never come because of America. But still, I do appreciate places that do try.

From,

Washington state me

And now the weather:

Nghe Em by Thịnh Suy

~ Stacy N.

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Vietnam stole my heart

Photo by Phil Nguyen on Pexels

"My heart is here, the Lady of Many Tongues had said days before. Here, where I see how beautiful Đà Lạt is. I had thought the same of Saigon, despite the smoke and lights and buildings—how it could've been mine in another life. A different one, not necessarily better or worse." ~ She Is a Haunting by Trang Thanh Tran

I know it's cheesy to say that, but it's true.

In some way, going to Vietnam for the first time helped me figure out that I'm not alone in this universe and that I still belong somewhere. Even though a lot of Vietnamese people don't view me as Vietnamese at all or more Việt Kiều than anything else. I feel like a fucking oddity, honestly. I can understand the language to a certain extent depending on the context clues given, but when it comes to speaking... Well, a baby can speak it better than me at this point.

Everyone is also always trying to show me how to eat Việt food, even though I grew up eating it. And there are always the comments about my body, cao quá, and wow, you're so skinny. (That does not help my eating issues.)

It's annoying and sometimes frustrating. 

Yet despite it all, my heart bloomed when I was over there. And a part of it is still over there. 

If it weren't for world events that led to one thing after another, which eventually led to my parents coming to the United States, maybe, just maybe, I would have been born in Vietnam and had a different life. Not necessarily better or worse, but it would have been mine.

And now the weather:

girls like me don't cry (remix) by thuy ft. MIN

~ Stacy N.

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