What is romantic?

Photographed by Oscar E.
Creative Commons

On Friday, I posted about how Edward and Bella’s relationship from Twilight is quite creepy once you realize that it’s an abusive relationship. So that got me thinking about what is a romantic and healthy relationship? And I concluded that it’s having some space and independence; trust that your partner won’t do anything that you wouldn’t do behind your back; communicating about your problems, worries, goals, happiness, and anything else in between, even if it seems tiny in the moment; honesty about almost everything (if you’re lying because you want to surprise your partner with a gift that you know they like, then lie but don’t be hurtful about it); putting in effort from both sides of the party; actually trying to find the time to be together making good on that time, and making the most out of it; consent and abiding by that consent, and it doesn’t have to be just sexual consent but consent on other things too (not to the point where you have to ask your partner if you can even hang out with anybody else); respecting your partner's choices and opinions, even if you don't always agree with them; dedication and not giving up when times get rough; listening to your partner; not taking your partner for granted aka gratefulness and expressing that gratefulness; and being content to be in that relationship in the first place. To me that’s romantic. And if you’re not willing to go through all of that because of all the hard work you have to put into it, then don’t be in a serious relationship with anyone.

And now the weather:
Sound Of Your Heart by Shawn Hook

~ Stacy N.

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Well that's creepy

From Matt Adrian's book,
 "The Mincing Mockingbird Guide to Troubled Birds"

How is persistently following someone, changing your whole schedule so that it could revolve around them, extreme dependence, and isolation romantic? It’s not, it’s creepy and very lonely. You start missing your friends, your family, your former self. Plus that’s a giant red flag that you’re in an unhealthy/abusive relationship. Which is why I’m not a big fan of Edward’s and Bella’s relationship in the Twilight series because it portrays exactly that, an unhealthy relationship.
In the second book Edward isolates Bella from her friends especially during lunch; throughout the series they’re together almost all the time, except when Edward needs to hunt; Edward is jealous of Jacob, and even takes out Bella’s engine so he could prevent her from visiting Jacob; in the first book, he forces her to go to prom even though she clearly said that she did not want to; and, also in the first book, he follows Bella to Portland without her knowing about it till later on in the book. In “Midnight Sun”, the incomplete draft of Twilight told from Edward’s point of view, he even admits that he stalked her.
That’s not very gentlemanly or romantic, and after a hundred years, Edward should have known better*. After all, even old dogs can learn new tricks, like Carlisle and the medical field.

*Kind of. Considering today’s society and how it romanticizes abusive tactics like those mentioned above, I’m not that surprised that Edward still doesn’t know any better.

Other ways that Edward’s and Bella’s relationship is problematic: https://domesticatedmonsters.wordpress.com/2013/03/27/10-signs-of-an-abusive-relationship/

Also, if you're ever afraid that you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, here are some resources that you could turn to for help:
http://www.thehotline.org/
http://www.loveisrespect.org/
http://womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/get-help-for-violence/violence-help-hotlines.html
http://www.feminist.org/911/crisis_state.html
http://www.feminist.org/911/crisis.html
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-abused-men.htm
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-abused-and-battered-women.htm

And now the weather:
Satisfied from Hamilton an American Musical cover by BeeBri7

He will never be satisfied

I will never be satisfied

~ Stacy N.

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My two cents on the Vietnam War

Photo by Philip Jones Griffiths
Creative Commons

After watching Áo lụa Hà Đông (The White Silk Dress), not only was I sad but I was pissed. Really, really pissed. Because, honestly, the Vietnam War wasn’t really about Việt Nam at all. It was about America’s want/need to get rid of communism. To stop it from spreading before it hit (if ever) America. Imagine it this way, communism was like spilled milk. In order to prevent it from spreading any further, America cleaned it up (or at least put a “wall” around it) by going to war in Southeast Asia and threatened the Soviet Union. That caused about one to two million Southeast* Asians to leave their country behind. And plenty dead. The closest thing to this in today’s times is the Syrian refugee crisis, with approximately nine million refugees.
It also angers me that when the Vietnam War is mentioned, it’s almost exclusively told from an American (aka white) perspective. This also saddens me because it seems like more people want to read about “"realistic" accounts of the war in the boonies that focus on repulsive realities like soldiers stepping on shit-smeared punji sticks, suffering from crotch rot, or keeling over from dehydration.” (Nick Turse, “Tomgram: Nick Turse, A Rape in Wartime”) than the real truth about what happened. How the war was really about suffering, death, sadness, heartbreak, and secrets that the U.S. government was trying to hide that involved killing many innocent Southern Vietnamese civilians.**
The whole point of teaching history is to prevent certain events from ever happening again. If those parts are hidden, then they’re most likely to be repeated, over and over again. That’s why it makes me happy, when Vietnamese people make movies, write books, and sing countless of songs about the Vietnamese War, (despite how sad most of it is) because we’re taking control of our own narratives and telling people another side that’s very rarely shown. A side that’s about missing people, seeing your home get destroyed, seeing people die right in front of you, trying to survive, trying to live in a new country, bullying, etc. In the hopes that maybe history won’t be repeated again. However, Americans also need to tell the truth about what has happened, if we want to prevent such atrocities from ever happening again.

And now the weather:
I Was A Boat Person: Vietnamese Refugees Look Back

*The reason why I say Southeast and not Vietnam was because the Vietnamese War also affected the surrounding countries like Laos and Cambodia. But the main focus is still on Việt Nam. Fun fact, apparently 21 countries were involved in the war. 
**Note: I still have yet to read Nick Turse's book, Kill Anything That Moves: The Real American War in Vietnam, so I am a bit dubious about its truth and how valid his sources are. However, I don't doubt the fact that a lot of Vietnamese people were killed either by the Americans, either of the Vietnamese armies, trying to escape the war-torn country in a boat/plane/another method, etc.

~ Stacy N.

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College in a nutshell

Except for me it’s long train rides, messy siblings, hello Amazon it’s nice to see you again, and long hours at the movie theater serving people popcorn and drinks and various other snack items.

~ Stacy N.

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You're more than that

Photographed by This is Awkward
Creative Commons

1. Look at what makes up you. Your looks, your characteristics, your actions, your thoughts, etc. 
2. Notice how many of them doesn’t fit the typical boxes that are affiliated with you. Boxes include gender, race, economic class, sexuality, looks, religion, where you live, ability, etc. 
3. Now don’t give a care because you’re not defined by a set of attributes that society has set for you. And realize that you’re more than that number, job affiliation, and any other stereotype. You’re an amazing human being with a lot of potential. Now keep it up (and it’s okay if you mess up, just try again). 
4. Realize that it’s okay to be some of the stereotypes that society has placed on you. Embrace it and turn it into a good thing. And then tell other people to fuck off if they try to reduce you to nothing more but a stereotype and only that stereotype. 
5. Don’t reduce other people to nothing more than stereotypes. Instead, notice their humanity, their personality, what makes them them.

And now the weather:
Let It Go by James Bay, Cover by The Fu

~ Stacy N.

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Letters part 4

Dear cat,
I saw your paw prints in the snow last month. I hope you’re okay. I miss you. You made me realize that having a cat wasn’t so bad. Except for the times when you scratched me whenever I tried to pet your belly. That’s when I realized that cats are also very controlling creatures. I wish you were back with us again.
~ Stacy N.

And now the weather:
Ex's & Oh's by Elle King
(I swear the cat is like the main character in the music video, except with less sexualization.)

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Dear Divine Being, (a story)

Picture was taken by Nicolas Raymond

Heaven showed its lights on my broken soul. Offering eternal peace and happiness for it. I looked to the right and saw nothing but smiling robots doing smiling robot things. Golf, shopping, reading. I looked back. Their eyes twinkled, kind, dark, demanding. I looked left, kids playing on the playground, an endless buffet, skiing that never ended. Everyone still held that creepy, too white smile. I looked back again. This time, their eyes showed an ounce of impatience, a pound of greed, and a metric ton of lies.
“No-”
Too late, they already took my soul. Leaving my body to empty, to crumple, and to transform into a smiling robot doing smiling robot things.

And now the weather:
Run by BTS

Note: This is not what I actually think about heaven. It's just a story that I came up with for my Writing Fiction class one day. And I was thinking about the hypocrisy that could be found in certain churches, like how you have to pay your way into heaven, or how you have to give up what makes you (your sexual identity, fashion sense, personality, etc.) just so you could fit in at church and make it to heaven that way. The latter being more of what the story is about.
Honestly, just be a good person with no evil intentions and you'll make it to heaven that way.

~ Stacy N.

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Letters part 3

Dear bà nội,
I’m sorry. I should have told you that I loved you (con thương bà nội) back on that sunny, Christmas day in the sterile hospital. I should have talked to you more, learned more about your history first hand. But now it’s too late. You’re gone. And it wouldn’t have mattered much anyways because you were too weak to say anything for very long. I still miss you. And I hope you’re okay now wherever you are.
~ Stacy N.

P.S.
Even though a month has gone by since your death, it's still super weird knowing that you’re gone.
And now the weather:
Fog, rain, and snow.

bà nội means grandma on dad's side in Vietnamese. 

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