Thoughts I have while walking my dog

Photo by Tabitha Mort

• Don't eat/bite that!
• Slow down
• Why are dogs attracted to phallic things?
• Yay, a pokemon!
• Darn it, I ran out of pokeballs again
• Yay, an egg finally hatched. 
• Oh, that's nice
• Stop being mean to the guys
• How much territory are you trying to mark?
• You're weird
• I know you want to hang out with the other dog, but you can't because they're behind a fence and you're not.
• Yay, another pokemon!
• Dogs are weird creatures.
• I have a weird dog.
• Stop tugging at your leash.
• You know your puppy eyes don't work on me.
• Come on, I don't have all day for you to sniff that.
• Not again.
• Hold on, let me catch this pokemon.

And now the weather:
Nobody ft Jade Novah & Cynthia Erivo (from Forbidden)

~ Stacy N.

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Colour

Photo by Anggoro Sakti

Her brightness first started in her heart before spreading up to her fingers and then out into the world, touching everyone who needed a bit of color in their life.

And now the weather:
Colour by MNEK

~ Stacy N.

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Heroes

Photo by Christina Morillo

You can't just denounce someone as a hero, it just means that they're not a hero to you because they don't fit with your own personal values. A hero is different for everybody, and there could be more than one. And that's what a lot of people (especially on my Facebook feed) seem to forget because they're busy undermining someone's value because it doesn't fit with what they personally believe in.

So my message to you is that just because they're not your hero personally, doesn't mean that they're not a hero to someone else.

And now the weather:
Confident by Demi Lovato

~ Stacy N.

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Heading back into it... kind of

Photo by Alex Robert

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I didn't realize how many things changed til I came back to it. For example, whenever I read YA literature, I can't help but see the teenagers as kids because that's exactly what they are. Kids who suffer and must overcome their suffering in some way or learn to deal with it like any other character in literature. After all, that's what makes stories, stories.
As mentioned before in a previous post, I'm starting to get back into my old hobbies, writing creatively being one of them. However, throughout the years, the only way I could write creatively is either through being really inspired, it depends on my grade, or if there's a challenge. Since it's summer that challenge happens to be Camp Nanowrimo. It's like the regular National Novel Writing Month challenge in November. However, I didn't realize until this year that you can set your own word count goal or that it was in July. The last time I've done the summer challenge was back when I was in high school, so approximately fours ago.
So in the middle of the night, I've decided to get back into it. I don't have much of a plan, which makes it all the more fun. All I know so far is that it's going to be a bunch of short stories based on a bunch of writing prompts that I've collected throughout the years on tumblr and that it's going to be in this fantasy world that I've created way back when I was a weird/random jr. high schooler. And just saying that makes me feel old.
However, it will be a good way to start writing again. Hopefully, this will help me build more dedication and a motivation to start writing again on my own once the month is over, without any challenges or grades looming over my shoulder.

And now the weather:
Get Your Life by Caught a Ghost

~ Stacy N.

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forgetting

Photo by Studio 7042

i forgot the meaning of me.
i forgot what my joys, my hates, my loves, my mind are anymore.
i forgot to follow up.
i forgot the purpose.
i forgot to enjoy the challenges of growing up.
i forgot to reap the rewards of adulthood.
instead, i retreat to the familiar corner of my mind and relax, dreading the eventual end that will come if i-

And now the weather:
Here by Alessia Cara

~ Stacy N.

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Who am I writing this for?

Photo by  Bruce Mars

This blog has always been for me. For me to post some thoughts that I can't let waste away in some journal somewhere that will probably end up on eBay being sold for $30. However, writing for myself only gets me so far.

It's nice to know that there are actual humans who aren't spamming bots from a weird Russian or dentist site reading my work. And it's nice to hear some of you compliment my writing whether it's through comments, emails, direct messages, or even just listening to it out loud.

As time goes on, it's kind of easy to forget that I have you all wonderful people. So I apologize about that. Honestly though, thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Without you all, my blog would not have made it this far in the past seven years.

Without you, my blog would have probably turned into a weird journal that some random person decided to impersonate and then sell on eBay for $25 (not unless that's not already being done... if so, please message me so that I can receive my respected royalty at some point.)

Thank you again!

And now the weather:

Love Song Medley - Violin | Piano Duet by sleightlymusical

~ Stacy N.

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An honest rambley post

Photo by Bruce Mars
My advice: don't actually smoke. I only chose this image for its aesthetics and the mood it gives off.

I don't know what my relationship with blogging is anymore.
Every time that I say I'm back, I'm determined momentarily to actually blog again and keep at it. However, something happens, I get lazy, I forget, other responsibilities consume me, adulthood decides to kick me in the ass, etc.
I feel like this blog is just there at this point. Like I know it's mine, but it's just there. Like my old scarves, they're also there, and sometimes I use them like this blog, but not often enough. To be honest, I don't know if I still want to be part of the blogging community anymore because I've been so removed from them for so long that I barely know who's in it anymore. As I get older and continue on with life, I know at some point that I'll stop writing on it at all.
However, that day is not today. This summer, I've been getting a bit more productive, of course, there have been a few setbacks along the way, but I'm determined to overcome them. I've also been getting back into what made me happy like reading and writing on this blog. It has some of my most personal thoughts, and I can't let that go just yet.

And now the weather:
The Scientist by Coldplay (Acoustic Cover by Chase Eagleson)

"Nobody said it was easy / It's such a shame for us to part / Nobody said it was easy / No one ever said it would be this hard / Oh take me back to the start"

~ Stacy N.

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Why do it now?

Photo by Ken Cooper

There were a lot of old drafts that probably were never going to see the public eye, so this month I decided to publish them and see what happens from there. Sure, some of them were a mess, and yeah most of them weren't edited carefully, but that's because I wanted to show you what I was thinking back when I was a younger person who was trying to navigate what it meant to be a young adult. And I'm still a young adult trying to navigate my way through the world. So, I thought the best way to do that was to explore what I felt in the past and then quietly reflect how much I've changed since then.
Also, I might have been trying to make redemption for not posting since January, even though I know I said I was going to post at least once a month.

And now the weather:
You Are In Love Taylor Swift Cover by Mackenzie Johnson

~ Stacy N.

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I'm a "bad" reader

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Don't write in your book, don't dogear your pages, etc. Almost all the things they've advised you to not do to your book, I've probably already done because I find that is one of the best ways to engage with your book. Reading for me is like having a conversation. And if you can't have a conversation then why engage with it deeply in the first place?

Note: only write in it if it's your book. If it's a library copy, a friend's book, or a rental in general, just use sticky notes and keep it nice for them.
And now the weather:
Hearts On Fire by Gavin James

~ Stacy N.

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A thought

Photo by Samuel Zeller

Why is it when someone thinks that something else is "unnatural" like same sex marriage, homosexuality and being queer in general, interracial relationships, expressing a religion that isn't necessarily Christianity, experessing your sexuality, etc. That people always say, "Think about the children!" When really you should think about the children by not being an intolerant asshole.

And now the weather:
Blended Family (What You Do For Love) by Alicia Keys ft. A$AP Rocky

~ Stacy N.

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What if their version of slow was our version of fast, and our version of slow is their version of fast?

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What if we were the matter to another person’s existence? What if the universe we live in was their cell? The galaxies are the organelles without a lysosome to clean up the mess. And the stars and planets and everything in between were the atoms making up said person. And what if that person was the matter that made up another person. And that person was the matter for another person and so on, creating an endless loop of simply exiting to help another person (the greater being as you can say) live to become the matter for their great being and so on.

And what if we were the greater being to other people?

What if the matter that made us up was simply a bunch of people living their everyday (ordinary) life, their planets stars and anything in between (or what equates to them), our atoms. Their universes and parallel universes are the cells creating an even bigger picture, the tissues, systems, organs, muscles that creates us. And the void that’s between the stars, planets, galaxies, and yes even the universe, what if that’s the blood and oxygen, that’s keeping us alive right now?

What if?

And now the weather:
Was I high? No
Lost Stars by Adam Levine

~ Stacy N.

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Je veux lire plus souvent [I want to read more often]

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Reading slump (from what I can gather): Not reading as many books as often to not reading any books at all.

Reasons: It varies from person to person.

For me, it was simply because I keep on getting distracted from my personal life and school. Plus, there is the fact that the library isn’t that close (and the one that I’m forced to go to is all the way downtown). And I don’t want to make my older sister waste a ton of gas money, driving up and down a long canyon road every few weeks. And for some odd reason, I just cannot make myself check out another fictional book from the school library (mainly because it seems so small in my opinion). So, whenever I can (and if I’m in the mood for it), I try to buy my own books. Whether it be from WalMart to a used bookstore. So I don’t have to worry about having a limited amount of time to read them because then they’ll be right there on my desk just waiting to be read.

Another reason is that I’m starting to stray a bit from YA books (which is everywhere). They’re still pretty awesome, but something about them is just starting to make me go meh. It’s probably because I’ve read so many, and they helped me in some ways. But, after a while, it starts to get annoying reading about characters your own age doing awesome stuff, while you’re just there sighing because you wish that it was happening to you right now.

Plus, as I continually go through English class, I’m starting to wonder if many of these YA books actually have something profound to say. And some of them do, and I love them for that, but others just seem to be there just because it’s the newest trend. Also, it’s getting harder to read YA books when many of them just have to have some kind of romance involved. It doesn’t matter if it’s important to the main plotline at all; it just has to be there. And while that’s nice and all, but sometimes it’s nice to read something with no romance and just more friendship. Or enemies, or messing up and trying to learn from your mistakes, etc.

So, I started to read a teensy bit more classics, that is mainly for school. But there are others that I’m attempting to read for fun, like Emma by Jane Austen, The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger, Lord of the Flies by William Golding, The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. And I actually want to try to understand them. Try to get the basic meaning of it all. And no, I’m not just doing this so I can get good scores on the AP English tests next year (however, I might not take them).

I want to expand my mind. Get into the viewpoint of someone who isn’t always a teenager. Read books that are banned. All the while, trying to catch up on a few book series that I honestly enjoy, like the rest of the books of the Harry Potter series (so far I’ve read the first book, and I really liked that one, even though it bored little nine/ten/grade school me, causing me to stop reading after a few pages). As well as books 4-8 in the Artemis Fowl series. And the last book of the Divergent series, Allegiant, and the third book from the Shadow and Bone series, as well as the third book in the Raven Boys series, and the third book in The Daughter of Smoke and Bone series. But the problem is the third books for the Shadow and Bone series, the Raven Boys series, and The Daughter of Smoke and Bone series doesn’t come out until later this year. There are still some books that I want to read, like Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell and [insert more books here]. Yet, I cannot find myself reading them all, simply because my passion for reading seems to have gone down. Just waiting for that one book to ignite it all again.

As well as the time (which I can easily manage). And, as I look through the list on how to get out of a reading slump, thankfully provided by Lauren, I can’t much relax about the fact that I’m not as actively reading this year than any of the other years. And, I’m procrastinating on reading popular books for some weird reason. For some reason, I don’t really like reading fan-fiction or at least long works of fanfiction. It’s not that they’re bad, they’re not really my cup of tea. Though the only exception to that seems to be some Cookies and Crime fanfiction written by cookiekhaleesi, and it’s because it has cookies, the twenties, and a storyline that I can indulge in as I patiently wait for the webcomic to come out. I cannot find myself reading my favorite works, mainly because I don’t own them or at least the ones that I want to reread again. Though there is one exception… (The Night Circus anyone?) I’ve actually been reading You Can’t Keep a Good Woman Down by Alice Walker, something that I wouldn’t normally find myself reading. And I cannot seem to just listen to audiobooks without actually have the actual book in front of me. For some reason, I just have to read the book at the same time, if I’m listening to audiobooks. And I’m not really sure why, it probably came from my elementary school days. I’ve actually been reading shorter books, but they still take me a long while to get through (mainly because I read them at school). A reading buddy, hmm…. I keep on trying to set goals but I cannot seem to keep them, for some reason. For example, if I just barely started reading a book, I always try to get to page fifty (if it’s a non-school book), but lately I can’t seem to make myself go to even that. I’ve kind of took a break for the last half year, and that is truly saddening to me because I actually like reading.

Reading is enjoyable. And it’s helped me avoid the boredom more than once. It helped expand my mind. It definitely helped me improve my writing skills. I like reading about worlds that aren’t like our own. Or looking into the facets of our world that I normally wouldn’t look at. I don’t really waste electricity when reading a book, like when I do when watching television (though TV shows are pretty nice as well). It’s interesting to connect with characters and actually feel for them in some ways, whether it was some kind of annoyance or sadness or even happiness. Plus, I like supporting an art form that authors have created, and worked so hard on.

But, I don’t know. As you can tell, I’ve been in a reading slump. And as you can already tell, I’ve been distracted because of school, home life, a certain guy, the internet, my thoughts, and various other things. But, I still do want to read. Because, I still like it. However, it seems like I have broken my motivation to read on my own that isn’t for school or at school. And I’m trying to piece it back together. Only it’s going at a slow pace for me, which is actually quite annoying. But, I’ll try anyway. It’s not a guarantee that I will get back to regularly reading. But at least it means that I’m not going to quit reading forever.

And that, my dear readers, is a good thing.

And now the weather:

Lost Boy by Ruth B.

- Stacy N.

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I hope... A letter to you [another oldie]

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Dear person who is currently reading this,

I hope you had a pretty okay New Years, whether that day was spent lazing around thinking about the present, future, or the past; watching movies; doing homework; or something else that is just as fun. I also hope that you have a year that is memorable in a way, or at least okay. I also hope that you find yourself in a way, whether that may be blogging, writing, painting, vlogging, etc. And, also just know that you are loved and that you are truly beautiful. And please don’t think I’m lying, I’m serious when I wrote that for you to see. I really do think that you are a beautiful person and please don’t hurt yourself.

I also hope that you make reasonable New Year’s resolutions that you can actually accomplish this year. However, since it is you controlling your own life, you don’t have to have to make reasonable resolutions, or you don’t have to have any resolutions at all.

And now the weather: there's a lot of old songs on here, hold on
Swedish House Mafia - Save The World

Note: I know it's not New Year's anymore, but that doesn't mean that you cannot restart again at this time of year.

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My old thoughts on Doctor Who before I stopped watching season 8

Photo by Aleks Dahlberg

My honest thoughts on Doctor Who lately. Sorry, not sorry that it's a giant mess

And just know that these are my opinions. So I’m sorry for not being sorry that you might not like some of my ideas.

Note, this does not mean that I will not continue watching the show nor am I bashing it. In fact, I’ll continue watching it, in hopes that it will become better again.

Also, there are spoilers up ahead. So proceed with caution.

The 50^th Anniversary only made me confused in the end.

The Christmas Special was kind of disappointing.

The Doctor was boring, simply waiting around, aging. Well technically he wasn’t waiting around; he was helping save Trenzalore from the multiple alien attacks that came because he was there. However, I kind of wanted to see more shots of him coming up with brilliant battle strategies, him fighting, or even more shots of him having fun among the natives there. The shots with Clara wasn’t really all that important either. Minus the shot where she asked the Gallifreyians to give the Doctor more regenerations. Well more on Clara later.

The only part when I felt truly sad was when he gave up on his bowtie. And since the bowtie basically much symbolized him. It was sad to know that he gave it up because it truly meant that he was going to die, and be gone, and ‘never’ come back (he’ll hopefully show up in the 75^th or 100^th anniversary special, right?).

However, that sadness didn’t last very long, because it was replaced by a quick surprise at how fast he regenerated. And then that surprise turned into confusion because the first words that came out of the 12^th Doctor’s mouth were, “kidneys!” Before going on to saying how he didn’t like the color of his kidney. First of all, how did he know what color his kidneys were? Second, why did he care about the color of his kidneys (not unless he’s ill, then that would be bad). Third, will he ever say, “Damn it, I’m still not ginger?”

I was also appalled at the fact that he forgot how to fly the TARDIS. Granted, he was on Trenzalore for a few centuries, never going anywhere else. Plus, he just regenerated and he usually develops some sort of amnesia right after he regenerated. So, I don’t blame him for not remembering how to fly the TARDIS. But I’ll still continue to stay appalled if he doesn’t remember it soon.

I’m also very happy and excited that Peter Calpadi is now playing the 12^th Doctor. Because there will hopefully be no romantic interest. And maybe, just maybe he’ll make Doctor Who even better than before, (well ever since Stevan Moffat took over as showrunner) because he is a lifelong fan. And, I miss what New Who used to be.

The seventh season was a flop.

Clara was like any of the other female companions that Steven Moffat created. Sexy, sarcastic, smart, not caring much for her family. Yet, she was boring. She isn’t defiant. She doesn’t stand up to the Doctor when it comes to what’s wrong. She’s also surprisingly obedient. And really, all she wants is to be the Doctor’s love interest (which is understandable), but that’s too typical. She cries that the Doctor broke his promise in the Christmas episode (2013), about never leaving her (twice!) And she doesn’t bother doing anything about it, not until that one lady showed up and brought her to the Doctor all just to be emotional support. Which wasn’t really needed, because when the Doctor was dying he was remembering Amy and not her.

In other words, she could have had plenty of chances to actually grow. But because Steven Moffat is his sexist self, he wouldn’t allow it. Hence the reason why Clara isn’t my favorite female companion.

I was, of course, sad when Amy and Rory died. But I couldn’t really cry over them, knowing that they were still alive in some other time period. 

I want someone to replace Steven Moffat as showrunner, like R.T Davies, Niel Gaiman, Peter Calpadi, anyone that actually cares about Doctor Who and is actually determined to bring some equality among Doctor Who.

I want a showrunner, who doesn’t make the female companions just sexy playthings for the Doctor. And if the Doctor did treat them as such, then I want that female companion to stand up for herself and actually call out what the Doctor did. And tell him that she will not, in any circumstances of time or space, tolerate that from him.

I want a showrunner who’s willing to portray the female companion as someone more than just simply wanting the Doctor romantically. I want a companion whose whole life doesn’t revolve around the Doctor or whose sole purpose is to save the Doctor. I want that female companion to also care for her family. To actually acknowledge their existence. I also want them to be best friends with the Doctor. I also want them to make the Doctor see that he’s fucking scary sometimes and that he should tone it down a bit or else he’ll not only kill his enemies but himself and everyone else around him. In other words, I want another companion who’s a bit like Rose, Martha, and Donna.

I want a showrunner, writing out episodes that actually make sense and isn’t so full of plot holes.

I want that showrunner to actually put something more back into Doctor Who. To make it so emotional and heartbreaking that you cannot help but cry. I want there to be some monumental lesson on morality, back on Doctor Who. Only that it’s so subtly hinted at, that you don’t notice it till later. When you’re thinking to yourself in bed, as you replay that episode over again in your mind.

I want the showrunner to make Doctor Who kind of cheesy again, like R.T Davies seasons cheesy. Because that was cute, and it was dorky, and it was funny, and what made Doctor Who, Doctor Who.

I want Captain Jack, Rose, Donna, Martha, Mickey, Strax, River Song, Vastra, Jenny, and all the other companions that have been on Doctor Who and who are still alive (as in the actor is still alive), to come back again.

I just want one episode where it’s basically much the Doctor’s companion reunion. And they have a party on the Tardis, and they tell each other stories of their adventures with the Doctor and what happened since moving on. I want some of them to get drunk, and stuff to happen. And then they somehow get some obscure famous person that impacted the world in some way, to join them. And then they end up saving the dying planet of Sancillia from some unknown source that turned out to be the native people’s other selves.

I miss R.T Davies.

I miss how the shows used to be cheesy. There were minimal plot holes. There was Captain Jack. They used to involve the companion’s family. The aliens were new or bought back from the Classics, not used over and over again. The companions were normal people when they met the Doctor. It was more heartbreaking. Tears actually came to my eyes. People actually died instead of going back in time, so that the version that was them in this time period is dead. The companions actually gathered around. It was cheesy in a good way. And it was just so, so intriguing.

And now the weather: so many old songs
Hai Co Tien by 365Daband

- Stacy Nguyen

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Letters part 10 [still year 2 of college thoughts]

Picture by Takmeomeo

Note: I had to rewrite letter 8 three times before settling into something that I liked and not so embarrassing.

Dear person I still kind of like,
I could say screw you for ruining my plans for staying single forever, but I’m not because that plan could still be on the table. Instead, I want to say this. Even though it may not look like it, I am writing this around 12:40 AM, the time when my tired brain isn’t in the mood to put up its usual defenses when it comes to thinking about you. But, it never put up any defenses against you in the first place, except for the few times when I need to focus like when I’m at work or doing schoolwork.

Around this time, I start listening to cheesy love songs, preferably by Asian American youtubers (representation matters y’all, plus, I find it comforting). And then come the questions. The uneasy ones, the ones that I always find myself asking. Do I like you for you or is it because you remind me of an ex? Do I like you for you or is it because I’m subconsciously into this certain type? Do I just miss the concept of being in a relationship? Do I miss being held? Etc.

After that are the what if’s. What if you turn out to not be who I assumed you were and vice versa? What if you don’t actually support my tattoo? What if I only like you for your hair? What if you’re not an intersectional feminist (or an intersectional feminist ally?) What if we actually do end up dating and it sucks yet we still stick it out even though it hurts us both?

Finally, that certain what if comes up, the one that ends up like this: what if we do end up dating and we’re actually happy together? That then leads to cute, fluffy images of us being together. And then that leads to somewhere else that doesn't involve sex because I'm still an asexual. And I'm pretty damn sure that I'm always going to be asexual. All the meanwhile, there’s this weird warm, twisty feeling in my stomach and I’m not quite sure if my heart is beating a bit faster. But, I still can't help but get scared because I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship again.

And then, I get too tired and stop and then get ready for bed. My logical side telling me that it will never happen because I’m already busy enough. And that Asian parents were right, don’t date while you’re in school because they’ll only distract you from your studies. All the while, another side is telling me to just ask you out for lunch already and be a responsible adult. However, a part of me knows that I’m not brave enough to do that just yet, maybe, never.

And now the weather:

I'm Yours by Alessia Cara

Some nerve you have / To break up my lonely / ... / I wasn't trying to fall in love but, boy, you pushed me

~ Stacy N.

P.S. Funny how irrelevant a few of my posts seem compared to now. 

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Letters part 9 [what went on my head during year 2 of college]

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Dear me,
Speak up more often. Ask questions and answer the teacher's questions during class. Talk to that cute person, ask why they chose a __________ major, why do they identify with their mother's culture more than their father's, and what do they miss about their home country? Start texting people more often. Start telling your parents about what you're really interested in (even though it should be a bit obvious by all the books lying around). Speak out against various social justice issues.
Just use your voice, please.
Even if it's one word, one sentence, or a paragraph. It's better than all of that silence and missed opportunities.

And now the weather:
Katie Queen Of Tennessee by The Apache Relay

~ Stacy N.

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Confessions from when I was a high school senior

Photo by Frances Gunn

Confessions

Everything is currently a mess in my life, and I try to suppress that by focusing on my schoolwork and on writing and watching The Simpsons, and other television shows, and by going onto tumblr.

I’m terrified, nervous, and excited at the fact that I’m finally a senior.

I’m procrastinating on applying for scholarships.

Playing solitaire on my HTC One calms me down (and I can now see why my dad plays it often).

Sometimes I cry easily, and the tears won’t stop.

I wish I don’t have any emotions.

This is the first time since I started high school that I’m not crushing on anyone. And I actually like it that way.

I’m happy to be single once more, and not have to deal with another guy’s crap.

I barely thought about blogging during the whole school year.

I haven’t watched season eight of Doctor Who yet.

I wish for simpler times. Times when the whole world isn’t so crappy. Times when my family is doing okay. Times when I could read without having to worry much about schoolwork or college essays. Times when I could actually find it within myself to read.

I rarely take selfies.

I’m pretty effing tired of everything.

I love Taylor Swift’s new album 1989. And so far I’ve listened to that album a lot, especially during math lab (a study hall class that is more for helping with math).

The reason why I haven’t blogged as often is because this blog brings back a lot of memories. It reminds me of simpler times. And I’m not too keen to have people I know reading this, mainly my ex.

I love English class and exploring literature in a whole new way.

I like learning about how the United States government works.

I like dancing the foxtrot and the waltz in my ballroom class.

I hate taking the benchmark tests in my physics class because that doesn’t help anyone at all.

It’s nice to know that there are people who still care about me.

I oftentimes stay up past one in the morning on non-school nights. But I fall asleep easier nowadays.

I’m trying to learn the difference between what I think I want and what I really want.

I’m grateful to have a twin, despite all of our differences.

I’d be lying to myself if I said that I actually missed blogging.

I’m learning that the littlest things can make the biggest differences sometimes. No matter how quiet it seems to be.

I’m learning that you just can’t just change people.

I’m far from actually healing.

I really like my last name.

I’m not a big fan of the song, Stacy’s Mom has it going on.

I still have yet to watch The Fault in Our Stars movie.

I finally got over my ex months ago.

I’ve had a pretty rocky transition into adolescence, and an even shakier one moving into adulthood.

One of my pet peeves is when people don’t try to understand things from my side, and just automatically assume things without really asking what I think about it.

I’ve been feeling kind of dissatisfied with television shows and books and their lack of more diversity, (basically much more Asian characters that I can identify with). So that lead me to watch more youtube videos, specifically Jubillee project, Wong Fu Productions, and Anna Akana. And one k-drama that isn’t like the other ones that my mom likes to watch. (This one deals with Neurotherapy, it’s called It’s Okay, It’s Love, and it more or less accurately deals with mental disorders and what people actually say about it).

And now the weather: still trying to get rid of old songs
No Money by Cahoots feat. Roomie

- Stacy N.

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What went in and out of my head four years ago

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It’s important to love yourself.

I used to be in love with the idea of being in love, and as I think about it, little remnants of it still remain.

Some of the things pro-lifers, do seem very ironic. 

Chocolate is always good.

Disney is a nice pick me up.

Reading is also a good one as well.

I’m somehow finding a way to incorporate astronomy and magic in my fantasy novel, you know IDE

Bad guys can easily be disguised as cute guys with nice voices who proposes to princesses they just barely met on the first day of said princess’s sister’s coronation.

I don’t need a guy saving me from most of my troubles that I can easily fix myself.

Feminism is about crushing the patriarchy not being superior to guys (which is better known as sexism).

Disney surely likes transformations to happen within a song, Hercules becomes scrawny to buff, Mulan learns how to fight like a guy, Jane becomes one of the Lost Boys, Elsa builds a castle made out of ice, etc.

You don’t always have to go to church to know the difference between right and wrong.

Dress up, do everything and anything for yourself. Impress yourself. Be your own best friend. Just love yourself. Because after all, in the end, you’re stuck with yourself for all of forever and eternity.

Winter can be beautiful in its own way.

 If you feel bad about something, try forgiving someone, if they actually deserve it. Don’t just forgive someone just because they demand of it, and you know for sure that they don’t deserve it.

Always save that one kiss for someone special (even if it is just yourself).

Smile.

You have the right to be angry.

Treat your body like a temple.

If you don’t feel well, take some time off to try to make yourself feel better. Actually try.

Try to do something that you enjoy, every day.

Crying doesn’t make you weak.

It’s okay to want to spend some time alone.

Love those who actually deserve it.

Remind yourself that you are a lovely person made out of elements that literally make up the stars around us.

Try to find some kind of balance in your life.

Grades aren’t everything.

Puppies help.

Magic. Just magic.

I really don’t like Steven Moffat as showrunner of Doctor Who. Nor did I really actually realize all the reasons why Doctor Who seemed off ever since he came on, till I read this post (link to Doctor Who post). [2018: I don't remember the link anymore, sorry y'all.]

I’m starting to really question my sexuality. Is it heterosexual, asexual, demi-sexual, somewhere in the gray areas of asexuality?

There is a giant difference between wanting a sexual relationship with someone and wanting a romantic relationship with someone.

I’m pretty sure that I’m a hetero-romantic. [2018: joke is on everyone, I'm actually bi-romantic]

Writing is pretty helpful.

Never say yes to a marriage proposal to a person you just met that day.

Misunderstanding stems from miscommunication.

Actually try to talk to someone about your feelings.

Do everything slowly!

No matter how hard you try to make yourself feel empty, it won’t work in the end. Feelings will seep in through the cracks of your system. And it will feel even worse in the end.

Always try to keep track of your money.

Moderation!

Do they ever sleep in Frozen or eat?

Things that will make me cry: Whenever Disney just has one of those beginnings (Frozen, Up). TFiOS. The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, Doctor Who (before season 5)

Jackasses are disguised in many forms.

Why are villains always talking about their plans? If you don’t want anyone to spoil your plans, don’t talk about them!

True love comes in many forms.

Bookstores and coffee are lovely.

You don’t always need to have a king to rule a kingdom.

It’s okay to point out the problems of something that you love.

Try to accept the flaws of someone you love.

Try to change the more serious problems of something you love, like the sexism in Doctor Who, whitewashing in media.

Never ever let anyone touch you without your permission.

It’s okay to still love animated movies, even at age seventy-five or whatever.

Achieve happiness, but never at the expense of your health.

There’s always someone good trying to help ease the evil in this world.

Never ever abuse anyone in any shape or form.

Women clothing is designed to look good not to actually be, you know, functional and useful.

Patience is a virtue. One that I constantly try to snare and hope that it won’t slip away from me again.

It’s hard to try to distract yourself, from the things you don’t want to think about.

Never be jealous of someone else’s life when you already have a pretty awesome one.

I’m not a giant fan of this Kombucha drink. It tastes a teensy bit like alcohol to me, and considering that it is fermented a little…

Peppermint tea is wonderful.

I can’t help but feel slightly confined when I’m listening to church sermons on the weekend.

Coffee isn’t that bad.

It’s okay to be thin, it’s okay to be thin, and it’s okay to be thin.

It’s okay to have the lights on.

It’s okay to be afraid.

It’s okay to not want to do anything for the day.

Eighteen is a pretty number.

Remember this, photoshop isn’t portable and it sets the standard for unachievable looks in beauty.

Try to be comfortable in your own skin.

Birth control is actually beneficial. And it doesn’t turn women into crazy sluts and make them want to have sex all the time (despite what some people, who are uneducated in what birth control, says).

Society is hard on women and on people who aren’t white.

It’s dumb that pads and tampons aren’t free to give out and such, but condoms are.

Teaching people about abstinence isn’t going to prevent people from actually doing it.

It’s okay to not listen to those around you.

Do whatever you want, as long as you’re responsible for it! And at least know the risks that you’re taking on.

It’s okay to still keep some of your childhood toys.

Think to yourself. A person is holding a baby in one hand and in the other a fetus. Both are dying from some unknown disease. And you have the medicine that can save only one of them. The problem is, there isn’t enough to save both. And if you try splitting the medicine between both of them, it will only prolong their death by a couple of hours. So who do you choose to save?

It’s okay to be jealous but just don’t let that run your life.

I often feel conflicted. Wanting to do one thing or the other.

Being held isn’t that bad.

If you want to take a selfie, because you feel cute, then take it!

Don’t ever try to starve yourself on purpose!

I really want to burn some magazines and bathroom scales.

I’m now considering taking a road trip around Canada and ski for a little while.

It’s okay to not know what you want to do after high school.

It’s okay to take a little time off for yourself so you can try to figure out what you want to do.

Remember to eat healthily!

Stay hydrated!

I’m a being made out of stardust. One that’s pretty awesome and bad at being ugly, according to my boyfriend.

It’s okay to be happy and to be all smiling and like a little girl sometimes, especially because of a certain someone.

It’s okay to say no!

It’s okay to not want to go beyond your limit!

Always take care of yourself first.

I really want to kick someone’s ass sometime.

Stand up straighter for a little bit of time during the day. Put your nose up in the air, and it’s okay if you’re not smiling. All the while thinking slightly murderous thoughts.

The future is frightening. Embrace it and just know that you’re capable enough to handle it.

It’s okay to ask for help.

Take naps.

If you don’t feel like doing it then don’t do it. This includes smiling, eating something that your older sister made, reading, etc.

Be aware of the brownies.

Reread your favorite books so you can experience all the reasons why you fell in love with that book in the first place. All the while picking up a few new details here and there.

Try to not care so much about how many views a certain blog post got or how many followers you have. It’s all about quality, not quantity when it comes to blogging.

However, for NaNoWriMo, it’s the opposite (quantity vs quality)

Scarves. Warm, cute, and nice to have around.

Challenge yourself! Try new things! All the while thinking to yourself, can I handle it? (and be really honest with yourself on this one).

Sleep isn’t your enemy.

Listen, really listen to what your body wants.

There’s a difference between wants and needs.

It’s nice to be with someone.

It was also nice being single.

Write it down so you won’t forget!

When I’m alone or listening to a lesson or just doing something, my mind just starts to wander, distracted, not on guard, and just in general busy doing something else, wisps of jealously starts to wrap around my mind. And for a minute it’s hard to think about anything else, as my thoughts start to turn to other girls that can easily make him smile and laugh and such. And I know that it’s stupid and that I shouldn’t really be thinking about it, after all, he did choose me. And other people would say that I’m lucky to even be dating someone that happens to be a cute dork with intellectual thoughts. After all, a guy is everything. Yet, I still can’t help but think about the why. Out of everyone on this planet, he chose me, a nerdy Asian who’s bad at a lot of stuff, except self-esteem issues. One who’s simply bad at talking, and who feels like she’s slightly annoying and maybe offending someone. So why did he even bother with me? This all lasts a minute or two, as I try to focus my mind on something else. Back on the lesson, tumblr, reading, whatever. Because, I don’t need this, I don’t need this, I don’t need this. Yet it’s still there. Just waiting, simply waiting to find another chance to creep up on me again.

And now the weather: aka a way to get some of the oldest songs off the playlist
Hey Boy by Dong Nhi

- Stacy N.

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Hello 2018

Photo by Elliott Chau

I'm not going to lie, I'm a mess. And I'm still going to be a mess by the end of this year. However, I'm still going to try to make some goals this year. They're not necessarily resolutions because New Year's resolutions I feel like you have to change yourself completely and it almost feels inflexible, plus its also pretty cliché. Goals, on the other hand, can be made anytime, it's flexible, and not as wordy.
So here are some of my goals for this year:

• Be more honest with myself. After doing a lot of thinking these past few days, I've realized that part of the reason why I've been unhappy, especially as 2017 drew to a close was that I haven't been entirely honest with myself. Not with how was I feeling, not with what I really wanted, nor with what I expected out of myself and others. So, I'm going to try to be more honest with myself and actually make an effort to find the cause of my unhappiness and do something about it instead of letting it run.
• Read for pleasure for fifteen minutes a day. I need to remember why I chose to surround myself with books, why did I choose to become an English major in the first place. And that can't be done if I'm constantly reading what other people want me to read.
• Drink at least eighty fluid ounces of water every day. I just want a healthier body and water is one great way of achieving that.
• Blog at least once a month. I know I always make this goal every single year, but this year I'm actually going to try. I've learned that it's easier to do something if you plan it. For this goal, in particular, that means actually thinking of content, making the time to draft it, edit it, and then posting it. And that could take a while. However, I will do my best to try. 

Ther are of course other goals, but they're more personal. Plus, these are the ones that I'm more likely to work on throughout the year if I remember them of course.

How about you? What are your goals that you want to work on throughout the year? Is there a particular one that you always make every year?

And now the weather: 

Angels by Khalid

~ Stacy N.

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